So, I try to throw some ponderous idea out amidst my accounts of the obvious and silly regular life blogs. Here is one that I have been grappling since getting to LA. Toys. This is such a flashy place, even the Baristas at Starbucks drive BMW's and Audi's. I find myself confronted with a challenge I have never faced before and touched on it with my car blog recently. Since getting to LA, I have actually begun making decent money. Not great, but better than I have ever before. I am here to be an actor. Period. There is nothing else here for me. I know this. I have spent a few years in Chicago learning that I am dedicated to this path. It is near my first priority and far away the highest one that has nothing to do with life sustaining behavior.
Now this being laid out, I understand an element of fruggalness that seems highly advisable for serious actors. What I have seen as a common trapdoor is the fooling oneself about being a starving artist. It blows. There is no and if or buts about it. Stealing food from the restaurant you work in because you paid most of your weeks tips to the photographer and US Dept. of Education is , to put it mildly, uncomfortable. I hear it said that you are not serious about working as an actor if you are buying iPods instead of classes. You need to spend you money on more headshots, not a weekend out of town. Focus.
While I can and have seen actors slowly drift with their envy and longing for the perks sane carreers offer, the afformentioned Puritanical view seems harmful too. Seriously. It would seem as actors and artists, there is a ridiculous amount of maintenence required just to keep our typical sensitive asses in tact. Mine at least. What can I bring to a piece if I am mostly starved, depressed from my shabby home, and sweating from my old (no A/C) ride to said project? I can and do buck up and leave it at the door, but is it just another hurrdle I put up this time?
I am seeing a direct corelation betwwen confidence and happiness in my auditions. I am beginning to get some of the toys and items I have wanted for soooo long. I have had pangs of guilt thinking I should be buying new headshots with this money. However, I am seeing that my focus isn't worse for the splurging. I am actually feeling more successful.
They say clothes make the man. I am less ceratin of that, but I do believe some men wear suits and some suits wear men. It seems to me the distarction of "stuff" goes toward the suit wearing a man. The areas of my life I am finally investing in feel more like they are enhancing my ability to take on, with greter confidence, my dream.
We'll see where this goes. My short wish list is almost complete. I drive to Colorado
tonight to pick up my new Jeep and sell my beloved Metro. After that I am just interested in getting to work.Please let me know though if you think I am wearing my suit or if it's wearing me.
4 comments:
Get yourself an astronaut outfit . . . complete with built-in diapers. Then you'll find a suit that wears you. I'm thrilled you went with the jeep man . . . talk about envy!
Asceticism wears many different robes, or in this case a suit, but you're abnormally attuned to where your true happines lies. You're not truly a masochist, so don't feel too compelled to play into the misery. You're willing to do what needs to be done as a *means to an end*, not to be a starving artist because that's how it's done. Even though you probably promised yourself to follow your dream whatever the cost, there's no cosmic caveat that you always have to give *everything* to the cause. Be happy. You need balance.
...there is no suit. :)
Good post.
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