Today

Today was the day I stepped off a plane from my latest debauchry. Today was the day I knew I could not continue doing what I had done. Today was the day I said good bye to a known enemy that was taking my life one scrap of dignity at a time. Today was the day I quit fighting and began the battle of a lifetime. Today was the day I knew I was done. Today was the day I fearfully stepped towards a light I wasn't sure I wanted. Today was the day I let go.

Today was the day I sobered up.

Today is the 23rd time since I haven't had to be that guy again. 

I can't breathe but I can run

I did my 12 mi. today as scheduled. My injured leg has been complaining less and less, however my health has yet to return full force. For a guy that hasn't had a cold in 3yrs, this 2 weeks of being sick has been a lot to deal with. After a month of being benched for trying a stupid stunt, I thought perhaps I had done my patience penance already. Apparently the good lord felt I was in need of a bit more. It felt good to log the miles and I honestly tried to ease back in my pace. It only amounted to 30 sec more per mile than marathon pace. While I'd like to take credit for even that modest reduction, I think the inability to breathe and hills brought me down more than good motives. I continue to hear rest suggested and am only in week 2 of my training for Revel Rockies. It's a constant tug of war with endurance training of pushing harder and farther than you feel comfortable and resting responsibly. All of my friends that I've known for longer than 2yrs don't get it. My wife tries hard, but I know she doesn't fully get it. The friends I see at November a Project get it though. They get up and workout at 6:15 in the morning twice a week, run hills for fun and compete (not complete) in marathons, ultras and iron mans though. Not exactly a fair test pool, but I do enjoy my time off the island of misfit toys.   Even with them though my back to back marathons with a PR in each is a head scratcher. All this is to say, I am doing my best to gage how hard to push right now. Sitting drives me nuts. Sweating makes me feel healthier. I loathe laziness, fear atrophy, and believe in inertia. I may be running on fumes to a degree and much earlier than beforehand, but I'm running. I'm ok with friends, colleagues, and acquaintances not getting it. It's not their life or body. I spent a long time not using mine fully and do not intend to let more time go by. I ran 12 mi. today and couldn't breathe quite right. I'm planning on laying low later today and eating good food. After last nights cough fest, I hope for at least a relatively uninterrupted sleep. This is my good. I sure as hell don't know what it all means but, as with so much in my life, I am just trying to make the next right choice. 

Positive Way of Life

I started working out with this group November Project in Jan 2014. I did so mostly because my wife thought I needed more friends that ran. While my participation with this group has been well chronicalled in social media and the results of joining this free fitness group contributed strongly to 3 consecutive PR's in the marathon last year, the unexpected benefit was discovering the power of positivity. I've become much more outspoken about being positive these days. It's come natural now. I love doing what I do with running, yoga, and just generally pushing physically. It's a gift to be able to and I often am shocked how few people don't while they can. I am happy. That has not always been a statement I could say without qualifiers, but it's yrie. There are a lot of people out there that need help and when I can I am glad to give it. It's the right thing to do. However, I sm happy and just profoundly grateful. This is a life I didn't deserve and one I will fight to keep. Being positive in light of that is not such a tough task. 

Day One

With the change up to my marathon calendar this year, I am beginning training in the much more hospitable weather of mid-March. This year's running dance card promises a couple new marathons and some fun new distances too. I will be running the Revel Rockies Marathon in July, The Portland Marathon and Denver Rock n Roll in October. I'm also doing the Colfax Half Marathon and potentially an ultra (+26.2 mi.) distance this year. I am also looking at simplifying my charitable running interests. I have decided to run all of these races this year for one charity so as to not trouble my generous friends or the kind people that will listen to me too often. This year I will be running on behalf of Beagle Freedom Project. Despite still coughing badly from a bug I picked up from a coworker, it felt good to get out there and run. It starts today!

Missed Chance

I had an unusual dilemma today. An opportunity came up to do something I love but the circumstances were not right. While that can be a no brainer when it comes time write about, the mental wrestling match has been in full swing for the last day it has been on the table. Ultimately, I opted for passing on the chance as it conflicted with other obligations and feel good about it. What I find odd is the lingering, childish regret. Missing a chance is a fear I have never fully been able to reconcile with rationale or any other tool. It seems there is still a part of my thinking that continues to believe everything is now or never. I know that is not the case and it takes very little stock keeping of where my life is at to realize I am living in yesterday's "never."

Needs not Needed

Taking care of myself has never been a strong skill of mine. I do survival well and admittedly have been the cause of much of my own misery there. These days the challenges are not nearly as dramatic. However, I do find some of the simple routines can be tough. I still have not mastered the full night's sleep and more often need reminding when it's time to eat. Some of the less essential needs are also works in progress. For example, I'm about to get a massage. This is in no way a "need" per se, but has proven quite valuable given the physical stress I generally put myself through. Having become familiar with taking care of myself in terms of warding off death, these niceties seem tough to justify. They do make a world of difference though in overall well being. That, I am trying harder to pay attention to. 

Second Gear: Down Dog

Getting over an injury is new to me, gratefully. I'm attempting to ease back into more active living. I went to my first yoga class on Sat and another tonight. I did an easy 2 mi. run Sun. My training for The Revel Rockies marathon doesn't start for two more weeks but it has felt so good to break a sweat the last three days. It just makes me happy.

One of my least favorite words is atrophy. It's matched almost by lazy. I struggled mightily tonight on my mat, but I showed up and I tried. It's called practice and I usually spend an entire class trying to remember that. To me it just doesn't make sense why with a limited time to use this body, I wouldn't want to find out how much it can do. If you got to drive an amazing sports car on a deserted highway, wouldn't you want to floor it?  I may be wobbly, sore, and not going as far just yet, but I am glad to have it in gear. 

Run Again

I just completed my my first run in 4 weeks. It felt so good to be able to run again. I've been pretty grateful for the ability to run most of the time I have been running. By all accounts, I should not have become a runner. None the less, in 2007 I started running and have not stopped. That is, until I did a stupid stunt 4 weeks ago (not really running related). I've had 4 weeks to reflect.

Over the last few weeks I discovered a few things. When I'm not running, I don't make nearly as much laundry. I don't quite have as predictable an appetite (which is usually voracious). I wasn't quite as sure when showers were needed (but did figure it out). I also found myself watching runners in the 70's and in blizzards with envy.

I'm glad to to be on the run again though.