5280' Happy

I am happily reporting today from Colorado. I made it out for Danielle and Gabe's wedding, thank you Frontier frequent flyer miles. It is beyond good being back home. A few critical items and people are obviously missing from this trip, but damn it is good. I was thrilled to get to see Danielle and Gabe get married.
I don't often get to say this sadly after weddings, but they looked truly happy. I loved getting to see Scott, Tanya, and Cory too. This living across the country from each other is much more tollerable when we get together every 3 months.

In other notes, my niece Sydney (aka Baby Vicious) is just getting cute as hell. Here one for the obvious nature of this blog, babies grow quickly! She is adorable! I truly love holding her and trying to make her laugh! Even with a 6 month old, I have to try to get a laugh.

I also have to report that so far I am still a happy nonsmoker. That is mostly notable in that this is the place I learned, perfected, and nurtured my smoking for years. There was still an ashtray in my room with the last butt I smoked before leaving in February. It helps that Mom is still couragiously plotting forward with her own nonsmoking. I do have to amuse you with the silliness of the mind games.

On my bullitin board, still preserved from my high school days, I have a couple special packs of smokes tacked up. A special edition (empty) pack of Camel Lights with a Texas background and a pack of "Black Deaths." I believe they were released in response to Dennis Leary's No Cure For Cancer. They were terrible and Inever even finished the pack, so I found out. When curiosity prompted, I checked and found 4 unsmoked nails. I was tempted briefly. Let me spell this on out though, those cig's are over 10 years old and they weren't good back then. Essentially, I would have a better smoke from lighting carpet fibers. Ah silly addiction.

Man, I can honestly say for the first time ever Colorado smells good. I miss it dearly. Where I want to go is so in the air. Tiff and I discuss it often. I know when I got to Chicago the idea I wouldn't be there long got me through. That obviously changed. The Windy now shares the name "home" to me. Los Angeles is not like that. It's interesting, exciting,and different. It is not, nor will not be home. It is like a Bonzaii tray. My roots can never really stretch in such a shallow tray. There are 4 towns I am constantly thinking of. This one, Minneapolis, Chicago, and of course New York. Where to go and when to do it... I am waiting to see. For now I am trying to enjoy where my feet are. Today they are in Denver.

Suck on that!

Oh dear Lord, it's been 3 whole weeks since I put down that last cigarette! Suck on that! You know... instead of a cigarette... pun-ny? Eh...

I must admit I was terribly excited to post my 3 week mark. It's been a hell of a week. I got either very sick last week or the smoking crud was coming loose. Either way, I sounded and felt like shit for days. I just finished a quick music video shoot and got what I had feared would happen. EVERYONE ON THE SHOOT SMOKED! Everyone. It was unreal. I am excited to no longer feel the need to broadcast that I just quit to everyone, but it got a little tense for a bit. I am down to just using toothpicks and gum. Early on the 2AD asked if anyone had gum, the artist wanted some. Being a good PA I answered right away and said yes. He thanked me and took it away to the artist (who, by the by they "tried to make [her} go to rehab but she said no, no no"). That left me a little edgy. I later asked for it back, silly as I felt to do so.

Now being at 3 whole weeks? It is good! I am amazed how the days are just coming now. I remember not being able to imagine going 3hrs. Hell, I even had a dream a couple nights ago that I had picked up a pack and smoked 8 of them. I remember this because I counted the 12 left in the box several times to determine how badly I had fucked up. Then, I crushed the pack and resigned myself to starting all over again. I quit again in my dream! What the hell?! I didn't even get to just enjoy them there? Tiff is still laughing about that one.

God love her, she has been so patient with me. I am very grateful and happy to be on this path. However, the smokes were a hell of a supressant. I am still going through the ADD shit as well as enjoying a new boute of insomnia and reaquainting myself with my flash temper. Tiff has weathered all 3 more than once now and continues to love me. I felt bad yesterday when I was flicking and puffing on my toothpick in the Jeep coming home from Malibu and she told me I even had her craving one. She quit 6 months ago.

What I know for today though is life is better. I am so glad to be without the monkey. I love when I realize I had not thought about one for a few hours. THANK YOU AGAIN TO ALL MY SUPPORTERS!!!!!

Take that!

I did it! I made it through my first trip back to 7-11! I did not know how I was going to get in and out without saying the magic word, "pack--a-camel-lights-please." I did though! HA HA HA!!!! Take that MONKEY!! HA! Hmmm.... I do realize this is perhaps what the NFL would deem "excess cellebration," but hell it felt good.



I am starting to become concerned that not smoking may leave me a shade ADD also. I have always been just a little bit higher strung than most( too much energy and slight insomnia). Over the last week or so I have been flippin' hyper all the friggin' time. That is when I was not sick as a dog. I was either going through the de-gunking or just had a cold. Either way, I acredit the quitting as I have not had a cold in 4yrs. None the less, my lack of focus has shifted. I am a bit more spazzy, for lack of a better term. It's fun and all, but damn it's unnerving. I feel like I am on non-stop speed. I even finally got a web-site up (http://web.mac.com/troycoleman/iWeb/TroyColeman/home.html). All in all this is far better than before when I used to wake up in the middle of the night and go out for a smoke. A smoke-break from sleeping? Seriously! Where was that sexy ad when I was signing up? Eh... that's it for now. Rockin out at 17 days now, the betting pool has got to be interesting! Heh!

Keep up the fight Ma!

2 Weeks!

Can you believe it, I am 2 weeks without a Camel Light! Shaaaaa-buya!!

Back to London

A real quick add on to today's earlier posting. I just found out that a short I did with a friend was sellected for a showing in a festival in London. The film is called Remembrance and directed by S. Yin You. It would seem after 8 years, I am again going to be in London. As of right now, just on film.

http://www.straight8.net/straight8b.htm

What now?

So, I get this call yesterday about a an actor network group. I will admit that I am less familiar with these services. I get the agent and understand the manager. Hell, I am even getting more familiar with the concept of thaetrical and comercial representation here in LA. It's a tough concept to keep increasing the percentages you will shell out. All this is still theoretical though for me. I am still waiting for my SAG eligibility to become official. Then, in many ways, I actually appear on the radar here in LA. Yet, I digress...

I was talking to this woman from the network group while finishing a run to the airport for work. I was fighting off a bug or exhaustion, I couldn't tell. In the last 3 days I worked close to 40hrs already. Thatstretch has covered 8 of my last 7 too. None the less I was relatively present on the phone.
She was a little curious about me. "Usually," she said, " we get referrals with files. With you we jusy received your name and number. Obviously you impresed someone though." We talked for a bit. She mostly wanted to get a feel for what I was doing as they seemed cautious to only take on people that are actually working hard to work.

It was disappointing at times to not know all the Casting Directors and shops by name while talking. On the other hand, being honest I was glad to feel some of my choices had been smart ones. I am interested in getting the feet wet again with some classes. Mr. Mowery's return to CO for an intensive is inspirational as well. Let's see what happens here.


By the by, I am at 13 days without smoking. The pictures are from my 2 day shoot in Angeles National Park. Who knew there was a place like this only 2hrs from LA? Hell it even got to 7000' elevation!

Like a non-smoking Energizer bunny...

At some point soon, I will have more to say than just my quitting updates. Since this ain't that time let me just say days 8 and 9 are in the bag! I hope so at least, the fog is still pretty constant. I wanted to report though on a new technique that is paying off. Oddly I feel like offering my approach to anyone interested, since I can still thank my Mom for giving me enough structure to get a decent start. I am a creature of escape and "bending rules." If I don't mix it up a little bit, I'll figure out how to beat the system. As of late I am trying to reinvent some areas of my life to match this new outlook.
I have taken to wearing my fun hats more often, if nothing more than just trying a different outlook myself. The club-cowboy hat was used while driving the truck on my last job and I wore my Blues Bros. Fidora to IO on Sat night. There is a savings account now just for my smoking money. If things go well, I am hoping to cash in and go to Ireland next year for my birthday. Gotts dream right? I am also diving head-long into Jazz and Blues. I have always had the inclination to learn more, but right now I need the extra chill. My regular music at my stress times would probably motivate me to really act stupid. Just because this is tough for me gives me not right to make it tough on anyone else. No one made me start smoking. Eh... enough philosophy. I am hoping to get out and do some travel soon. Denver. Chicago. Who knows. It will be wild to not sweat going through security and not have a chance to smoke for hours. By the by, I am now on the lookout for a good New York Hats Co. Bowler and Top for the collection! Heh.

It's been One week...

All I can say is fuck yes!

Dead and Alive

I drove truck today and am utterly baffled how a near disaster towards the end did not cause me to smoke. I am now 6 days strong and am grateful and suprised. I just kept thinking "this fucking job is not going to be what gets me smoking, not THIS fucking job." None the less, the fact that the words," buddy, could you spare a square?" did not come out at all today still floors me. As for "DEAD," well it marks the anniversary of my execution in last years assasins fund raiser. I stumbled on the obit. by accident and thought it would be funny to post. By "relieved" though, I feel the urge to clarify it was annoyed to have been shot in the ear with a squirt gun by a man in a teal jacket.

DEAD: Troy Coleman

Under a gunmetal grey sky at the corner of Belle Plaine and Broadway, Mr. Coleman was robbed of his life at 10:15 a.m. on Wednesday, May 10, 2006. Visibly relieved to be free from the trials and tribulations of existence, Mr. Coleman gave in to the urge to follow the light. Expressions of approval emanated from a nearby crowd: “Hey are you playing that assassins game? I want to start up one of those.” It’s not a game young man, it’s a lifestyle.

Day 5 done!

First day back as a PA and it was full of fun adventures. My boss's half finished pack of Parlament Lights talked all day to me. It also made me notice every 7-11 on all my runs. To me those were just really nice cigarette machines. I am sure there's more in there (slurpees and such), I just haven't noticed in years. Just shouting out to the ubber support. Seriously, it is helping tons! A;so grateful the fire didn't get any closer than it did. We could see flames from our driveway. Spooky. But hey, I could smell the smoke (ironic enough).

Still strong

Just a word to let my supporters know, still smoke-free! Painting was a bitch to try without it. I am staying strong though. This monkey is going down! 4 Days, hell yes!

72hrs later!

Just droping an update, still quit! The bets have got to be getting good at this point. It's getting easier in some ways and tougher in others. There are a few lucid moments where I feel normal and think about regular life stuffs. Then the rest of the time I am thinking how much a cigarette would make me feel good. That is coupled now with the "it's been 3 days, that's a perfectly decent go for now." Honestly, I just stay busy to keep my mind engaged in the next task. I even bought a huge canvas, ending my painting strike at LA, to be covered soon. I am also entertaining the idea of buying a game system to occupy time. Playstation2 or Xbox? I can only justify a used system. Hmm... which one?

48hrs or the new "cool?"

The support has been fantastic! Thnk you to everyone that has been voicing or typing words of encouragement. Despite some bitterness over my Saturday night of vice-free existence, i got through. I appreciate the thoughts on "coolness" without a cigarette. I am fundamentally in agreement that just being myself will be enough. However, that is not the easiest idea to try and welcome. I'll get there. I used to find it tough to envision going a weekend without a bottle. The winner though of the suggestions for coolness though was the toothpick. Thank you Nate! For anyone looking at this for suggestions, the best 2 things thus far have been: 1. Quit smoking in my car 2 months ago. That made the car into an actual smoke-free, safe zone where temptation is lower. 2. A ridiculous schedule of anti-smoking routines. I am popping all these homeopathic, nicotine-free pills and lozeges every hour or two. Each also requires not eating or drinking anything 15 minutes before or after. Essentially I am watching the clock and have something to do every 15 minutes. A pain at times, yes, but fuck it I am looking at the clock all the time anyhow. It is, by the by, especially fun to pull out a bottle of pills during an AA meeting and just pop one. Good times

24hrs later...

This is the first day I have been nictine free since Fall 95. I am doing fairly well though. The cravings are so steady, it feels much more like a mental obsession than a fleeting desire. In full honesty, I celebrated my 24hrs by buying a pack of cloves. I semi smoked one, tap dancing with not inhaling. I felt like shit for it, gave Tiff the pack to offer to some very grateful theatre person. I am again on the wagon, if you will. I am also entertaining suggestions for ways to not feel ubber lame without drinking or smoking.

Fuck the Monkey!

Today I launch another sincere go at quiting smoking. I am armed to the hilt this time (as you can see), thanks to the coolest care package Mom has ever sent. She utilized this process and has been quit for close to 2 weeks. I swear, I thought that was never going to happen. Now it's my turn to man-up. I want to be done with these things. Here goes! I seriously can not wait to be able to smell the rain again! It just feels like the right time and I am tired of thinking about it honestly. I enjoyed my smoking for years. Hell, I made that shit look good too. I jusyt hate that urgency and feeling need that I am now way too powerfully aware of. Plus, the anti-smoking measures are working. I notice more and more I am the only one lighting up. I friggin' hate the idea I am the smelly guy, reeking of an ashtray. I just took my first round of craving-killers. Nice to know they taste good. I am going to follow this up with a trip to the gym. Keep fingers crossed, 6hrs is my hump for now.