Sunday, August 16, 2015

A Minor Shift

So much feels as though it has changed since I last wrote. In reality, it has only been one detail. The job is enjoyed for over 2 years ended when the owner of the company decided to close the business last month. While it was not a labor of love, I enjoyed what I did tremendously. My job entailed helping people and working in a company that was focused on doing things right. It attracted great people to work with and featured a level of trust and responsibility I had never experienced in employment before. I was trusted to be at work when there was work to do and had the option to do this work wherever was conducive to do it. Turns out handling spreadsheets filled with financial data was easiest to manage on my couch with my dogs curled up beside me. Vacation days and sick days were on an honor system. Don't abuse it and there's nothing to discuss. The best part was being able to make a positive difference not only for the company but for many of the people that worked there.

I am fortunate that another position was made available and I did not have any down time. The new job is still very new and I am getting the hang of it. A wise man once reminded me all work is noble and I am trying to keep that in mind. It has been difficult mostly in the sense I so enjoyed what I had previously been able to do. Yet the fact that I am walking though this change, which feels as though it has affected all areas of my life, is a reminder all things change. Where I am at today in perspective and in reality will most definitively evolve. My constant is remaining grateful so as I can continue to evolve with my life. All is well. 

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Tending the Turmoil

It's been a while since putting virtual pen to paper. While life has not ceased in its fascinating array of experiences, I've favored keeping my thoughts more confined to live conversations and old fashioned ink on the page. This year has proven to be full of some powerful experiences. Some have been tragic, some comic, and others filled with strong emotions somewhere in between. Whatever the occasion, each has proven to be anything but pedestrian. I've grown more grateful for my spirituality and for the circle of loving people I hope close.

Looking at the current items of significance staring back at me, I am reminded of the phrase I have referenced before and am fond of, "instead of asking for a lighter load, ask for a stronger back." I feel that has been routine since moving into our new home in a blizzard just days shy of New Years. I do not believe in a God that beats me down, but one that provides just enough to make hitting my knees feel like the right surrender. I am continuing to be reminded to surrender often. When I listen, I am set free. If I can be honest, that is the answer I seek through most of my irrelevant questions.

Though today holds a few heavy questions, I know I can be free. I ask my silly questions that are as pertinent as "what color is the life boat," and then I set forth. Today I asked, I try to listen and then hopped on my bike and rode. "The answers will come if our own house is in order." Simple, but not always easy. 

Saturday, May 30, 2015

Life a Little Different

It's been a busy and difficult few weeks. Tempered with the loss of a friend and the child of friends, daily life has had a different perspective. Life in Denver has been pretty good. With a return of good health and mended injuries, our home has been much more peaceful. We have embraced our new home and the change in season to plant and build. Tiff has enjoyed setting roots, literally, and I'm enjoying making the modest changes that make our home more comfortable. While our old neighborhood meant a lot to us, we could not make such changes and thus felt still a little nomadic. We have also been appreciating our loved ones much more. From our families we hold dear to the friends that bring light to our lives on a regular basis, there has been a stronger appreciation. I like to think I maintain a pretty constant sense of gratitude as I am always aware how my road could have gone in a much different direction. However, gratitude seems to be a state without limit. Even knowing how good my life is, there constantly seems to be more to appreciate. I may want to rage against things like fucking cancer or indifference or apathy, but it seems far more productive to show kindness and warmth. Asking a clerk how they are and listening, picking up a bit of trash or yielding in traffic when it was not necessary are the little things that make me feel lighter. It gives me strength. As Erin said, "love hard."

Monday, May 11, 2015

A Word About Beagle Freedom Project

I had no idea that Beagles were some commonly used in animal testing. Their sweet disposition and quickness to forgive made them popular choices. Beagle Freedom Project​ seeks to provide these animals with an opportunity for a life after the labs. This chance was previously not an option. I am seeking to raise money to help them in their efforts while running 3 1/2 marathons this year to further help get word out about this amazing group.

Anything helps, especially word of mouth. Please share if you are so inclined. Thank you!

Monday, April 20, 2015

getting to Work

Broken toe is mended enough to run pain free. Vague illness was diagnosed as a severe sinus infection and treated successfully a week ago. For the first time since January, I feel healthy and injury free. As a guy that doesn't get more than a passing stomache ache for years on end, the healthy part is magical. As a distance runner that has become comfortable with multiple marathons a year, the injury free is like being set free. I take modest comfort in knowing my back to back injuries were not running induced, but the end result was being benched for weeks. I train wisely and cautiously to avoid that very result and it felt amazing to head out for my scheduled run after work today. I have a full racing dance card for this year and aspirations to qualify for Boston as well. The latter may be outside my reach, but I'm going to reach anyways. What's trimming 27:02 off my personal best if not a good goal? Even more importantly, I am running all my races for Beagle Freedom Project and ready to start getting some support for this amazing organization! It's nice to finally say I'm ready to get to work again. 

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Slow and Low

My disposition is to go faster and not stop. I've been this way as long as I can remember. The last several months have been a challenge to this. An injury in Feb that caused me to stop running for a month was followed by an illness that has now stretched into four weeks. As I was feeling healthy enough to start running again I had a fluke accident that broke a toe. Again, no running. I believe in God and I believe he has a sense of humor in my life. I also believe that when a lesson isn't being learned, circumstances will console to teach it as many times as it takes. Whether I'm being given things to force me to slow down or there is something less obvious like patience, I hope I'm getting the lesson. I know I'm along for the ride in this life and can at best aspire to doing what I can at any given moment. I'm restless and more than a little tired of not feeling healthy, but I am grateful still. It's not a competition, but I know people I care about are battling much more serious issues and in some cases for their lives. I just hope to be ever mindful of what I have rather than what is not as I wish it to be. 

Monday, March 30, 2015


Today was the day I stepped off a plane from my latest debauchry. Today was the day I knew I could not continue doing what I had done. Today was the day I said good bye to a known enemy that was taking my life one scrap of dignity at a time. Today was the day I quit fighting and began the battle of a lifetime. Today was the day I knew I was done. Today was the day I fearfully stepped towards a light I wasn't sure I wanted. Today was the day I let go.

Today was the day I sobered up.

Today is the 23rd time since I haven't had to be that guy again.