A Minor Shift

So much feels as though it has changed since I last wrote. In reality, it has only been one detail. The job is enjoyed for over 2 years ended when the owner of the company decided to close the business last month. While it was not a labor of love, I enjoyed what I did tremendously. My job entailed helping people and working in a company that was focused on doing things right. It attracted great people to work with and featured a level of trust and responsibility I had never experienced in employment before. I was trusted to be at work when there was work to do and had the option to do this work wherever was conducive to do it. Turns out handling spreadsheets filled with financial data was easiest to manage on my couch with my dogs curled up beside me. Vacation days and sick days were on an honor system. Don't abuse it and there's nothing to discuss. The best part was being able to make a positive difference not only for the company but for many of the people that worked there.

I am fortunate that another position was made available and I did not have any down time. The new job is still very new and I am getting the hang of it. A wise man once reminded me all work is noble and I am trying to keep that in mind. It has been difficult mostly in the sense I so enjoyed what I had previously been able to do. Yet the fact that I am walking though this change, which feels as though it has affected all areas of my life, is a reminder all things change. Where I am at today in perspective and in reality will most definitively evolve. My constant is remaining grateful so as I can continue to evolve with my life. All is well. 

Tending the Turmoil

It's been a while since putting virtual pen to paper. While life has not ceased in its fascinating array of experiences, I've favored keeping my thoughts more confined to live conversations and old fashioned ink on the page. This year has proven to be full of some powerful experiences. Some have been tragic, some comic, and others filled with strong emotions somewhere in between. Whatever the occasion, each has proven to be anything but pedestrian. I've grown more grateful for my spirituality and for the circle of loving people I hope close.

Looking at the current items of significance staring back at me, I am reminded of the phrase I have referenced before and am fond of, "instead of asking for a lighter load, ask for a stronger back." I feel that has been routine since moving into our new home in a blizzard just days shy of New Years. I do not believe in a God that beats me down, but one that provides just enough to make hitting my knees feel like the right surrender. I am continuing to be reminded to surrender often. When I listen, I am set free. If I can be honest, that is the answer I seek through most of my irrelevant questions.

Though today holds a few heavy questions, I know I can be free. I ask my silly questions that are as pertinent as "what color is the life boat," and then I set forth. Today I asked, I try to listen and then hopped on my bike and rode. "The answers will come if our own house is in order." Simple, but not always easy. 

Life a Little Different

It's been a busy and difficult few weeks. Tempered with the loss of a friend and the child of friends, daily life has had a different perspective. Life in Denver has been pretty good. With a return of good health and mended injuries, our home has been much more peaceful. We have embraced our new home and the change in season to plant and build. Tiff has enjoyed setting roots, literally, and I'm enjoying making the modest changes that make our home more comfortable. While our old neighborhood meant a lot to us, we could not make such changes and thus felt still a little nomadic. We have also been appreciating our loved ones much more. From our families we hold dear to the friends that bring light to our lives on a regular basis, there has been a stronger appreciation. I like to think I maintain a pretty constant sense of gratitude as I am always aware how my road could have gone in a much different direction. However, gratitude seems to be a state without limit. Even knowing how good my life is, there constantly seems to be more to appreciate. I may want to rage against things like fucking cancer or indifference or apathy, but it seems far more productive to show kindness and warmth. Asking a clerk how they are and listening, picking up a bit of trash or yielding in traffic when it was not necessary are the little things that make me feel lighter. It gives me strength. As Erin said, "love hard."

A Word About Beagle Freedom Project

I had no idea that Beagles were some commonly used in animal testing. Their sweet disposition and quickness to forgive made them popular choices. Beagle Freedom Project​ seeks to provide these animals with an opportunity for a life after the labs. This chance was previously not an option. I am seeking to raise money to help them in their efforts while running 3 1/2 marathons this year to further help get word out about this amazing group.

Anything helps, especially word of mouth. Please share if you are so inclined. Thank you!
http://www.beaglefreedomproject.org/fundraiser?/troycoleman

getting to Work

Broken toe is mended enough to run pain free. Vague illness was diagnosed as a severe sinus infection and treated successfully a week ago. For the first time since January, I feel healthy and injury free. As a guy that doesn't get more than a passing stomache ache for years on end, the healthy part is magical. As a distance runner that has become comfortable with multiple marathons a year, the injury free is like being set free. I take modest comfort in knowing my back to back injuries were not running induced, but the end result was being benched for weeks. I train wisely and cautiously to avoid that very result and it felt amazing to head out for my scheduled run after work today. I have a full racing dance card for this year and aspirations to qualify for Boston as well. The latter may be outside my reach, but I'm going to reach anyways. What's trimming 27:02 off my personal best if not a good goal? Even more importantly, I am running all my races for Beagle Freedom Project and ready to start getting some support for this amazing organization! It's nice to finally say I'm ready to get to work again. 

Slow and Low

My disposition is to go faster and not stop. I've been this way as long as I can remember. The last several months have been a challenge to this. An injury in Feb that caused me to stop running for a month was followed by an illness that has now stretched into four weeks. As I was feeling healthy enough to start running again I had a fluke accident that broke a toe. Again, no running. I believe in God and I believe he has a sense of humor in my life. I also believe that when a lesson isn't being learned, circumstances will console to teach it as many times as it takes. Whether I'm being given things to force me to slow down or there is something less obvious like patience, I hope I'm getting the lesson. I know I'm along for the ride in this life and can at best aspire to doing what I can at any given moment. I'm restless and more than a little tired of not feeling healthy, but I am grateful still. It's not a competition, but I know people I care about are battling much more serious issues and in some cases for their lives. I just hope to be ever mindful of what I have rather than what is not as I wish it to be. 

Today

Today was the day I stepped off a plane from my latest debauchry. Today was the day I knew I could not continue doing what I had done. Today was the day I said good bye to a known enemy that was taking my life one scrap of dignity at a time. Today was the day I quit fighting and began the battle of a lifetime. Today was the day I knew I was done. Today was the day I fearfully stepped towards a light I wasn't sure I wanted. Today was the day I let go.

Today was the day I sobered up.

Today is the 23rd time since I haven't had to be that guy again. 

I can't breathe but I can run

I did my 12 mi. today as scheduled. My injured leg has been complaining less and less, however my health has yet to return full force. For a guy that hasn't had a cold in 3yrs, this 2 weeks of being sick has been a lot to deal with. After a month of being benched for trying a stupid stunt, I thought perhaps I had done my patience penance already. Apparently the good lord felt I was in need of a bit more. It felt good to log the miles and I honestly tried to ease back in my pace. It only amounted to 30 sec more per mile than marathon pace. While I'd like to take credit for even that modest reduction, I think the inability to breathe and hills brought me down more than good motives. I continue to hear rest suggested and am only in week 2 of my training for Revel Rockies. It's a constant tug of war with endurance training of pushing harder and farther than you feel comfortable and resting responsibly. All of my friends that I've known for longer than 2yrs don't get it. My wife tries hard, but I know she doesn't fully get it. The friends I see at November a Project get it though. They get up and workout at 6:15 in the morning twice a week, run hills for fun and compete (not complete) in marathons, ultras and iron mans though. Not exactly a fair test pool, but I do enjoy my time off the island of misfit toys.   Even with them though my back to back marathons with a PR in each is a head scratcher. All this is to say, I am doing my best to gage how hard to push right now. Sitting drives me nuts. Sweating makes me feel healthier. I loathe laziness, fear atrophy, and believe in inertia. I may be running on fumes to a degree and much earlier than beforehand, but I'm running. I'm ok with friends, colleagues, and acquaintances not getting it. It's not their life or body. I spent a long time not using mine fully and do not intend to let more time go by. I ran 12 mi. today and couldn't breathe quite right. I'm planning on laying low later today and eating good food. After last nights cough fest, I hope for at least a relatively uninterrupted sleep. This is my good. I sure as hell don't know what it all means but, as with so much in my life, I am just trying to make the next right choice. 

Positive Way of Life

I started working out with this group November Project in Jan 2014. I did so mostly because my wife thought I needed more friends that ran. While my participation with this group has been well chronicalled in social media and the results of joining this free fitness group contributed strongly to 3 consecutive PR's in the marathon last year, the unexpected benefit was discovering the power of positivity. I've become much more outspoken about being positive these days. It's come natural now. I love doing what I do with running, yoga, and just generally pushing physically. It's a gift to be able to and I often am shocked how few people don't while they can. I am happy. That has not always been a statement I could say without qualifiers, but it's yrie. There are a lot of people out there that need help and when I can I am glad to give it. It's the right thing to do. However, I sm happy and just profoundly grateful. This is a life I didn't deserve and one I will fight to keep. Being positive in light of that is not such a tough task. 

Day One

With the change up to my marathon calendar this year, I am beginning training in the much more hospitable weather of mid-March. This year's running dance card promises a couple new marathons and some fun new distances too. I will be running the Revel Rockies Marathon in July, The Portland Marathon and Denver Rock n Roll in October. I'm also doing the Colfax Half Marathon and potentially an ultra (+26.2 mi.) distance this year. I am also looking at simplifying my charitable running interests. I have decided to run all of these races this year for one charity so as to not trouble my generous friends or the kind people that will listen to me too often. This year I will be running on behalf of Beagle Freedom Project. Despite still coughing badly from a bug I picked up from a coworker, it felt good to get out there and run. It starts today!

Missed Chance

I had an unusual dilemma today. An opportunity came up to do something I love but the circumstances were not right. While that can be a no brainer when it comes time write about, the mental wrestling match has been in full swing for the last day it has been on the table. Ultimately, I opted for passing on the chance as it conflicted with other obligations and feel good about it. What I find odd is the lingering, childish regret. Missing a chance is a fear I have never fully been able to reconcile with rationale or any other tool. It seems there is still a part of my thinking that continues to believe everything is now or never. I know that is not the case and it takes very little stock keeping of where my life is at to realize I am living in yesterday's "never."

Needs not Needed

Taking care of myself has never been a strong skill of mine. I do survival well and admittedly have been the cause of much of my own misery there. These days the challenges are not nearly as dramatic. However, I do find some of the simple routines can be tough. I still have not mastered the full night's sleep and more often need reminding when it's time to eat. Some of the less essential needs are also works in progress. For example, I'm about to get a massage. This is in no way a "need" per se, but has proven quite valuable given the physical stress I generally put myself through. Having become familiar with taking care of myself in terms of warding off death, these niceties seem tough to justify. They do make a world of difference though in overall well being. That, I am trying harder to pay attention to. 

Second Gear: Down Dog

Getting over an injury is new to me, gratefully. I'm attempting to ease back into more active living. I went to my first yoga class on Sat and another tonight. I did an easy 2 mi. run Sun. My training for The Revel Rockies marathon doesn't start for two more weeks but it has felt so good to break a sweat the last three days. It just makes me happy.

One of my least favorite words is atrophy. It's matched almost by lazy. I struggled mightily tonight on my mat, but I showed up and I tried. It's called practice and I usually spend an entire class trying to remember that. To me it just doesn't make sense why with a limited time to use this body, I wouldn't want to find out how much it can do. If you got to drive an amazing sports car on a deserted highway, wouldn't you want to floor it?  I may be wobbly, sore, and not going as far just yet, but I am glad to have it in gear. 

Run Again

I just completed my my first run in 4 weeks. It felt so good to be able to run again. I've been pretty grateful for the ability to run most of the time I have been running. By all accounts, I should not have become a runner. None the less, in 2007 I started running and have not stopped. That is, until I did a stupid stunt 4 weeks ago (not really running related). I've had 4 weeks to reflect.

Over the last few weeks I discovered a few things. When I'm not running, I don't make nearly as much laundry. I don't quite have as predictable an appetite (which is usually voracious). I wasn't quite as sure when showers were needed (but did figure it out). I also found myself watching runners in the 70's and in blizzards with envy.

I'm glad to to be on the run again though.

Thank you November Project

 This morning I hopped up at a quarter after 5am as is customary on Wed's for the last year. Today is a November Project - Denver​ day. Hell, November Project​ tribes in 17 cities were gathering.I  threw on a hoodie, shorts and... grabbed my cane. "Not fractured" still means I screwed my leg up to the tune of 2-4 weeks of not doing much. I was a little hesitant to go as I hated that I would be unable to do much more than be loud and high five. Don't get me wrong, I love that. However, being injured I was feeling a little more self conscious than usual. Then I remembered the motto, #justshowup. That I could do. It was cold. It was windy. It was awesome. To be surrounded by strong, positive people was just what I needed. Thanks Sean for the Positivity award too! Much love to my tribe! Fuck yeah's are good medicine! #np5280, #thetribeisstrong