Monkey no like

So I have VERY quietly decided today was the day to quit smoking. It was the last day of my current job and the 27th. I always liked the number 27. I meant to buy some patches, but work has kept me running pretty hard as of late. I made it 6hrs today before a friend innocently enough asked if I wanted to go have a smoke. I said,"sure, if I can bum one." That was it.

I have been fighting a crippled fight since. There was some momentum in knowing I had not had one all day. I came home and bought a pack as my last one went down in a wattery ceremony last night (see on the left). I have not carried the pack but have gone to it now 4 times. In comparison to the pack and half I will easily pollish off of a set day, we are talking major improvement here. None the less, I am frustrated.

I hate that I feel I need to do it. That has me yearning to quit more than any scare tactic of financial or health consequence. After all I have been talking a great game on them for years and defiantly doing what smokers should not be able to do with ease. I proudly boasted "making this shit look good."HoweverI want them gone. It is the monkey on my back. A friend said something last Sun that seemed so oddly applicable. My interprettation of it was that I have to keep smoking to remember why I like to smoke. When I get enough distance they start to lose the almighty grip. I know I will probably always like them in some way or another. That is fine. I just am tired of them owning my ass. All bravado aside, I really am tired of them. Maybe tonight I can get those patches.