Get by with a little help...

"I get by with a little help from my friends."

How true that is. I have never failed to be impressed with the people around me I get to call friends. It is usually just amazing the people I get to walk with. In a short amount of time, many of us are gathering to cellebrate our friend Scotty's big birthday. These opportunities to connect are fewer than they used to be. You know, when getting together was as easy as hopping on the CTA or even just driving across the major metropolis of Ft. Collins (Man, remember when driving out to Harmony Rd. was far?).

This cellebration this weekend marks the 12th birthday of my friend Scott Mowery. I have known him as long as I have known many of the people coming out. I moved away last summer to give the City of Angels a shot. It was the first time I lived more than a mile from any of this group. We talk on the phone routinely and seem to keep finding each other. We now are scattered in major cities all over the country. Minneapolis, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, and even little old Ft. Collins.

What gets me by though is knowing these incredible people are in my life, if not my time zone. This is getting way fucking mushy, but fuck it... I'm sure there'll be enough to rag on them about by Mon.
Today I am just excited though. These are the people (for the most part) who have seen me though everything in the last decade of my life. Not often to you get to say that!

Happy Birthday Scott... pack the Well's step, you're not as young as you used to be!

Riding the low tide

I have noticed how great the sway of momentum is as of late. I went through a great spell of success last fall that gave me quite a push. A couple indy films, a couple commercials, and a few stage castings... it all was coming fast and loose. I felt as if I could do no wrong. This of course was just a perception. In fact, I did plenty wrong I am sure, but it did not feel as dire.

Since I have been back from the holidays, things have felt tighter. Less PA jobs coming in for shorter stints, less auditions, and consequently less castings. In Chicago, it was bitter sweet to hear a friend get a role. You were happy for them, but it meant they had a role in one of the productions you did not. There was a wait time for the next one to come around. Here, so much happens so quick, it is not possible to know of all the auditions. Here friends and aquaintences are getting the breaks everyday. You find yourself feeling at odds. Here in the explossive battlefield of acting paydays, it would seem like you really just need to be standing in the right place at the right time. I was PA'ing on a commercial shoot with a now well-known robot arm in a conveinience store. The store owner would not just remain still, out of camera rnge and gave us a hell of a lot of dificulty (PA wise). Low and behold, the clients thought he would be a good addition to the scene and BOOM, there he is in front of the camera. This guy got a SAG voucher and a potential Super Bowl spot. Just like that. For beeing a jack-ass that would not remain still. I am relieved to see his portion never made it into the spot though.


So what a to do when the water is low, so to speak. How to garnish that momentum, when there is none to ride. I bought a Jeep. That felt good. Unfortunately, it's also making me all too aware of the days the phone is not ringing right now. It's an interesting delema. For now I am content and riding out the drought. Check with me next week and I may be ready to comit to a graphic design program ASAP.

Get what you want

It feels good. I just got back from Denver with my new Jeep. It was an adventure to be sure. I travelled out to purchase a 99 Wrangler and ended up buying a 03.

I had the opportunity to decide whether or not to accept an individual treating in less than I should be treated. When I went to sign and pick up the 99, the gentleman (loose term), decided to take issue on a flimsy item. I recently applied for my CA driver's license. Having held an IL license that had an expired face with an extention on the back, it was hole punched when I passed my written test here in CA. Now the problem is, they mail you your CA license and issue a paper, temp license in the interm. It has no photo ID. Consequently, I carried my IL with my to CO just as means of letting people know it was still me. I had no pretenses it was not an ID.

The guy used it as my ID and then said he could not give me the Jeep till he could verify the bank would believe I was who I was. Mind you, I drove through the night to make this apt., awake 40hrs and without eating for the last 12. He would not be reasonable and even admitted any other ID I had would work, but would not change the copy. I had signed everything by this point. He just looked blankly at me and said no. The tone was not of one talking to a customer ready to buy a car but of one speaking to a child asking for another cookie.

I went home, by way of a ride I bummed from my friend at the dealership. I decided just to inquire about a late prosect a different friend had found just days before I left CA. I signed a paper saying I had 48hrs to change my mind if I was not, "completely satisfied with my experience." My friend at the other dealership said the vehicle was still available. I went in and looked. The rest sort of happened in consecuitive order:

-Began paperwork on 03 Wrangler
-Sold Metro for cash money to buyer in Denver
-Approved for 03 Wrangler
-Changed insurance
-Paid cash money for deposit (thank you Metro)
-Drove new 03 to dealer of 99 Wrangler
-Envoked my 48hrs satisfaction guarantee

When the guy asked why, I just told him simply that I did not like the way I was treated. He said there must have been a misunderstanding. I told him no, I had understood him just fine.

To me, buying this car is a huge step. I went to CO just feel comfortable with who I was dealing with. I am so glad that I had the chance to remain firm in my choice to make this what I wanted. It felt good. More to come...

Mile High Happy

Just to update, I got the Jeep! However, it is not the Jeep I set out from Cali to get. The Metro is gone now as well, thus ending my 12yr tour of 3 cylinder service. I am still in Colorado and will be hitting the road soon. The full story and pictures will follow. I can not believe I am about to drive another 1000 miles... it's only been 2 days!

A fine line, literally

So, I try to throw some ponderous idea out amidst my accounts of the obvious and silly regular life blogs. Here is one that I have been grappling since getting to LA. Toys. This is such a flashy place, even the Baristas at Starbucks drive BMW's and Audi's. I find myself confronted with a challenge I have never faced before and touched on it with my car blog recently. Since getting to LA, I have actually begun making decent money. Not great, but better than I have ever before. I am here to be an actor. Period. There is nothing else here for me. I know this. I have spent a few years in Chicago learning that I am dedicated to this path. It is near my first priority and far away the highest one that has nothing to do with life sustaining behavior.

Now this being laid out, I understand an element of fruggalness that seems highly advisable for serious actors. What I have seen as a common trapdoor is the fooling oneself about being a starving artist. It blows. There is no and if or buts about it. Stealing food from the restaurant you work in because you paid most of your weeks tips to the photographer and US Dept. of Education is , to put it mildly, uncomfortable. I hear it said that you are not serious about working as an actor if you are buying iPods instead of classes. You need to spend you money on more headshots, not a weekend out of town. Focus.

While I can and have seen actors slowly drift with their envy and longing for the perks sane carreers offer, the afformentioned Puritanical view seems harmful too. Seriously. It would seem as actors and artists, there is a ridiculous amount of maintenence required just to keep our typical sensitive asses in tact. Mine at least. What can I bring to a piece if I am mostly starved, depressed from my shabby home, and sweating from my old (no A/C) ride to said project? I can and do buck up and leave it at the door, but is it just another hurrdle I put up this time?

I am seeing a direct corelation betwwen confidence and happiness in my auditions. I am beginning to get some of the toys and items I have wanted for soooo long. I have had pangs of guilt thinking I should be buying new headshots with this money. However, I am seeing that my focus isn't worse for the splurging. I am actually feeling more successful.

They say clothes make the man. I am less ceratin of that, but I do believe some men wear suits and some suits wear men. It seems to me the distarction of "stuff" goes toward the suit wearing a man. The areas of my life I am finally investing in feel more like they are enhancing my ability to take on, with greter confidence, my dream.

We'll see where this goes. My short wish list is almost complete. I drive to Colorado tonight to pick up my new Jeep and sell my beloved Metro. After that I am just interested in getting to work.

Please let me know though if you think I am wearing my suit or if it's wearing me.

What I heard...

Life. It throws me sometimes. I don't feel like going into details, but it would seem as of late I have had cause to re-examine lots and lots of my fife. Regardless of the immediate choices before me, I am sitting in that awsome place of taking it all in. I am an actor in LA, trying to make a life that is artistic and spiritually fulfilling. Ok, so that is bold in its sound, but actually it's not that lofty. For me having a cup of coffee in a good cafe on a rainy day is the equivillant of a religious awakening coupled with a date with a muse. It's always been this way for me. To quote a film of the Gen X blockbusters, "I take pleasure in the simple things." For me that feels right.

And yet, there is more now. I have begun taking steps toward things I have wanted for a long time. A friend of a friend put it aptly when he described being tired of "good enough" and decided to seek the very best, that he finally felt worthy of it. That is also me now. Having been a worker since I was 14 (retiring from 4yrs of entepeneurship) and rarely had more than a dime to my name. As of late, I have had the means to do more. Naturally I have gone too far, repeatedly. But it's better consistantly. That's also good.

As for my life and choices, I don't know. I am told that the best I can do is have what I am saying, what I am thinking, and what I am doing be one. While I don't know much more having sadi all this, I do feel more keenly aware of the number of quotes that seem to cross my mind.


Retrogression be damned! :)

To new car or not to new car

So here I am at a crossroads, at least for me. As everyone is aware, I have a little Chavy Metro. I've been driving one since 95, this particaular one since 98. When I first got it, there was little choice involved. I had done my pennance as a bad driver by walking for 3 years. When the time came I needed a car that could get me from Ft. Collins to Denver and my prized Mustang had passed away waiting for me. Getting a new car was the only way I could get financed so I picked the cheapest new car available in 95, the the Geo Metro. It was bright as fuck green and I thought at least impossible to ever not see. Alas that theory was proven wrong in a t-bone accident in the mountains that totalled it. Sadly, I still owed more than the insurance would pay off. Luckily (snicker), GMAC would roll that balance over on a new car. Again, the Metro was most affordable, even with the new Chevy bow-tie on the hood and hatch.

When I moved to Chicago 2 years later I would have ditched the ride but again owed more than it was worth. Through much trial and error, it turned into a god-send. Everyone of my friends has used it to help move and Countless IKEA items made their way back to Chicago via the 3 cylider charriot. It can park on a dime space and uses no gas in city use.

Now I am in LA, having moved here with everything I could fit in said Metro. If Detroit is motor city, LA is it's proving ground. This a city based on driving and creature comforts. I am not so vain as to dislike my ride because it's not flashy enough. However, with more time spent in my car than ever before, a manual, no A/C, compact gets pretty cramped when waiting an hour and a half to get a mile.

Here is my situation. I am approved to get a 99 Jeep Wrangler in Denver in a week. It's ridiculously affordable for a Jeep and has all the bells and whistles I wanted. At the time I went into search mode, the Metro was showing early death symptoms. It has since been restored to full health. I am even planning on driving it back to CO for the trade-in.

I don't know if I am just getting jitters or not, but my car is doing fine now. I can still park where no one else can. My gas is rarely over $20 and I have no payments. It will need a new exaust system within a year (thank you Chicago salting roads!), but aside from that it has great go and the engine is running great. I have talked myself into the idea that my humility lesson is over and I can get something more fun, but am I convincing myself to this? As was said before, twice I would have passed on the Metro had I not owed so much. Do I let this go or step forward in faith?

Nice guy, a tough habit?

So I am currently in tach week for a show called the Marriage of Heaven and Hell. To be concise, it combines the elements of William Blake's Proverbs of Hell (all 70 of them), Live music, improvised movement (and choice of proverbs), live lights and camera operators, clutter filler Purgatory (including 12 TV's running), a wedding, factions from Heaven and Hell, and nine actors. Oh and there's a Slinky. That last part is really not very important, just stuck me as a nice button to the list. So, all this is being blended to one hour long late night show, here in Movie Town. I oddly am enjoying it though. Everyone on stage and behind it seems oblivious to the staggering odds against this and consequently are pouring their hearts into it. That is awsome! I co-directed a show back in Chicago a few years ago that had EVERY element of success going for it, yet it lacked that commitment by so many involved that it barely sustained its run. The best truly was when we flew fast and loose my friend! (inside joke)

This brings me to my point, at least the one that made me want to write. Over the last few years I have sought to challenge myself by playing more sweet, humble, and vulnerable characters when I can. As I more often play scum, it's been nice trying the meeker guys. I did this through most of Second City and brought it out here, apparently. I received a similar note after rehearsal a week or so ago, one I've heard frequently since trying my challenge. That note usually resmbles, "what would happen if that (character) finally lost it?"
I decided, perhaps it might be time to let the nice guy finish last again. Lo and behold, my personal Mr. Hyde was waiting at the door. It took no time to change my persona on stage from victim to alpha dog, when I want it. I certinly did not get pushed (perverbially) anymore. I know I can take control on stage, in improv, or just with physical movement. I am enjoying the strength again in that confidence and am looking to hone it further.

A brief side note here though. By this sort of bravado, I am still adhering to the principles I was taught in improv and simple etiquitte on stage. I still strive to make others look good and never try to overpower someone without them having a say in things. That's just shitty. It's fun to take the fall, but not because you were sucker punched.

Now, the question raised in this confidence, swagger renaissance is how far has this gone in my life beyond the stage? I know I have Jeckyl and Hyde at all times. That is essentially a drunk's story. I know I have worked hard to improve my life and become responsible and trustworthy. Believe me, I needed it. Boxing cops used to sound like a good idea. I wonder though if I have declawed the cat too much though? Am I in need of a little more aggression again? I am referring towards my carreer as an actor mostly. It takes a lot to keep trying and I don't feel tappped at all, but would that cockiness help me some? i spek of course in a moderation perspective. Where else has my life lacked some of this element? Is being a nice guy actually a tough habbit to break? Or just a lousey cliche?