Recalculating

This morning I am betwixt a couple options and having some difficulty getting clear. I have often been told in these circumstances it is best to be still and listen to that still small voice inside; in essence my gut. Unfortunately my mind likes to bogart the mic if you will. I do believe most decisions are made fairly instantly and the rest of the time is spent debating it. While I have a good hunch which direction to go on this crossroad, I am debating heavily. The best I know to do is the simple tasks that lead to quiet. I have hit the road and ran this morning, ate a good breakfast, called some friends to say hello (i.e. stop thinking about myself for a moment), and am about to meditate a short spell. These are the tangibles I can do. The results are out of my hands and I have faith. I think I just needed to remind myself of all that.

Birthday Blank

I'm not sure if I am the only one out there that experiences this, but right around birthday time, I draw a complete blank on anything I would want to do. I suddenly have no favorite restaurants, no favorite meals, or favorite anything for that matter. Right at the top of June, I feel completely blank. Does that happen to anyone else? It feels like a lost opportunity when I finally just get to pick something and no one else gets to argue and yet, I am at a loss. I feel even conspicuous. While I adore attention normally, right here in that first week of June, I go all shy. What gives? Am I crazy? I know next week I'll have opinions again, but right now I am like an Etch-iSketch after a bumpy road.

Please, tell me if this is common or just me being odd… again.

Half is Half

A new day and a little honest work today and I am pondering the power of positivity. I found myself feeling like people about me are more on the half empty side. I am not sure why that has been bugging me but it's really been a drag. I wish so that I had a little more of the "everything's possible" attitude. It shouldn't have an affect but it is. So what does an optimist do when pecimisism pervades? I'm trying.

Running the Diagnostics

"What did you stop doing?" That is the question that comes to me whenever I start to feel a little off kilter. My good friend Bill is also fond of reminding me of this too. So often I can look back when things felt smooth or easy and I can see where I had been maintaining certain actions that had subsequently dropped off. Now for an obsessive/compulsive, this is a dangerous proposition at just face value. I am often reminded, usually by Bill, to take it easy too. While it sounds conflicting, my experience has shown them to be quite compatible; for today at least. That said I pounded out 4 miles this morning and am touching base with Stupie Nation. Yes, I do think of you as a nation and one I am humbled to be in contact with.

Go Left When You Hit The Wall

As of late the impulse to stay in and try and make head way on a current challenge has been tough to shake. Every waking hour feels as though it should be dedicated, especially with no running at the moment. That is obsessive thinking and I know it all too well. The results are always the same. The productivity is the same over several hours as it would have been within but a few. The frustration, exhaustion, and overall negativity is however much higher. Sometimes the best action, is counter intuitive.  Thusly, it was extremely healthy and recuperative to just get out today.

Thanks Tiff!

After 26.2 Miles Thoughts

The marathon on Sunday went quite well. As always, not being the recipient of "sudden death" is always the biggest reward. Also not having the unfortunate DNF (did not finish) next to my name is pretty huge. Actually, I ran 26.2 miles faster than I ever have at 4:02:34. It was just shy of my sub 4 wish, but 3.5 minutes faster than my previous PR, also here in Denver. Perhaps I just need to run one at sea level to crack that barrier. I can honestly say, I left everything I had out there though and was reduced to left, right, left, right, don't stop, left right… by the last quarter mile. It was cruel to use what I thought was my last kick when I thought I saw the Finish arch ahead finally only to get closer and discover it was actually the Start arch; Finish was still another 400 yards away from that point. None the less, I crossed the line at a cool 6:30 pace from the kick I didn't know I had.

What was truly gratifying was having my parents and Tiff find me 3 times on the course! This being the underdog marathon of Denver with corporate Rock n' Roll here, it was far and away a local race. It also resulted in very few people on or next to the marathon course. This was the most self motivating race I have done yet, but so many truly beautiful spots, it wasn't that bad. I still find the term "eclectic" a bit of a stretch when describing Colfax, but at 6:30am, it's not so bad.

All in all, I have to say I had a good time. Tiff had the chance to run with me for a block or two and they finally had the chance to see me cross a finish line. For those out there who have run one of those crazy distances, you know as well as I do how amazing it is to have people, friends, family, or spouses that will come out just to have a moment to shout "GO!" for you. It means the world.

For all the cyber support, I say from the bottom of my heart, thank you! To Tiff, Mom, and Dad… my deepest gratitude for watching me do another one of these crazy things. I know I will try a sixth one soon(ish). Hope any of you can come out and run too.

By the by, any suggestions?

Gear and Mind Check

All my gear is laid out and I am ticking off items on my handy marathon checklist. It feels exciting and scary these hours before a marathon, even with a few under the belt already. There is a calm in knowing I have run many, many miles to prepare and no amount of second guessing can limonite that. The scary comes in all the variables that can still unfold. The weather, the course, breakfast… they all seem to have some sway, but mostly its the anticipation of those things that seems to keep the hamster wheel turning.

In many ways that seems a decent reminder for so much of life. The things that can not be known and controlled always fascinate the part of my mind that wants to dwell on them. Meanwhile the things right before me I want to dismiss as irrelevant. When I focus on this exact moment, my mind gets quieter and I get more effective.

Today is a good day.