Run!

Run. That used to be my response to many situations I created and should have faced. Over time and much practice, that is no longer my survival mode. It's strange then that everyday, at some point my brain says, "run!" As has been well documented here, I have shockingly turned into a runner. At first it was to bond with this girl I liked. Must have worked some as I now call her my wife. After being tired of trying to catch her, I started running to keep a little nicotine monkey off my back. To some extent that proved successful, although not entirely. To my chagrin, I began to run all the time. It became the pause when doubtful or agitated. It became the way to get out of my head. It became the stress release valve. It became the adventure when not on my own streets. Running became something entirely unexpected… it became fun.

Now I have never been a good person for moderation. It's all or nothing in my mind, despite knowing full well that's not healthy. To me, if I want to run, I have to run all the time. At least daily. Now by unhealthy, "at least daily" is a not a reasonable expectation for me. Yet I still have it. I know I am happier on the days I get out there, albeit for a mile or 10 miles. It helps. Maybe at least daily isn't so bad for this vice.

Fa La La La

We finally have snow in the air here in Denver. It feels good to see it as the final days till Christmas are upon us. I have really been enjoying the holiday seaso this year, but a little differently than normal. I have not been obsessed with the shopping and stress this year. I genuinely want to give those I love everything they want in beautiful packages but I know I can't do that. After the move this year I really can't do too much. None the less I am singing along with the Christmas songs and enjoying the lights. So many folks I see about are so stresses out. It seems a shame that a lot of people make this time of year such an endurance match to get to one day. I have come to realize that there are no perfect Christmas plans and the best I can do is loves those I do and try to be more patient with everyone else. I need nothing under the tree anymore, but delight in doing everything I can to make those around me smile.

No Room Ghosts

We have recently moved to an old building in an older neighborhood. There are many ghost stories having taken place just up the street. I believe the home that inspired the Poltergeist movie is even just a few blocks away. It's been interesting running past so many old homes and historic spots lately. I can't shake the stories and tales I have heard and wonder how many of these homes have those unexplainable presences? My wife also has quite the predilection for those haunted house stories and shows.

A similarity occurred to me when reflecting on all those movies and shows like American Horror Story where people move into a spooky old home. There always seems to be a sadness of struggle within the new occupants. It almost seems ripe for some specter to screw with them. Where as it seems when there are families full of love and laughter, the spooky seems as unthinkable as a Smart Car in Kansas. I have no science or facts to substantiate this theory, but hell, neither do half of the ghost hunter shows either. Just an observation.

What I do know as fact is that laughter and happiness ward off the darkness. People overcome amazing odds and struggles when they stay positive and happy. I have recently been fond of the term "true believers" when considering the people that are just willing to believe. I don't care if it's God or a sports team, there is something beautiful in a person's willingness to just believe in something. Mind you the later may be a little less reliable.

I digress though. 

Peace on Earth

It seems like its finally not too early to embrace the holiday season. I am ready. There's a general sense of good will that always seems a welcome relief especially this year. While the actual business of doing holiday shopping and whatnot feels a little stressful. I'm truly enjoying it this year. Whatever it is you celebrate, be it Christmas or just friends and family, I hope this season brings you happiness.

To Do's

The new place is unpacked and taking shape. Very slowly these in scheduled moments are sneaking into my days. I'm not enjoying them. After having such a heavy load for an extended stretch, having moments without something that needs done are uncomfortable. I have a lengthy list of tasks still to accomplish, but their timeframes are looser. Maybe that's what's uncomfortable, the prioritizing? I also disdain projects without clear finishes and some of my to do's are pretty open. Looks like its time for a list. After all, without a list there is nothing to cross off. That is the best part.

Movember!

November 1st

November 30th

I didn't do much in the way of raising any funds for the cause but I did rock out the no shaving of the upper lip for a month. As predicted, I do look a little ridiculous, but I am ok with that. It helps to never take yourself to seriously. I plan on doing this again next year and am hoping to actually raise some funds and cohorts to do it with. My brother rocked out a fantastic mustache. It's a great cause and a fun way to do it. None the less, tomorrow's date Smith the clippers is going to be good.

Thumbnail Writing

Sometimes I set down to say something on here and the TV in my mind just goes blank. Ordinarily, that would be just a real good time to shut the hell up. However I sight the mind numbing thumbnail exercise from my college design classes (btw, thanks for never mandating we use the computers! Graphic design on a computer was just a fad.). The exercise was to jot as many crude layouts as you could in a short amount of time. We are talking 7 seconds each and they were the size of thumbnails essentially. While 98% of these fast sketches were utter crap, after enough time you were thawing anything you could down and thusly you found an idea you would not have come to when going with some of the first ones. At times the ideas were truly inspired. Other times they were just good directions. What was cool was seeing something you put down without thinking too much about it.

What does that have to do with this here, lonely blog? Well, I endeavor to write daily (if possible) and can honestly say I don't have daily words of even Stupie caliber wisdom. What I do have is a willingness to just jot them down and maybe flush out an idea I hadn't really considered before. Like the subject of tonights piece. No idea this was what this would be about.

Moments of Ah

With the move last week and the entirely new living environment, normal has felt pretty distant as of late. Slowly the little things are coming back that bring on that ah feeling. Brewing a pot of coffee in the morning, going for a run, or even just playing with the dogs. It makes me aware if how those little things are what actually makes home feel like home. Tiff and I are getting settled and the dogs seem pretty happy with their new digs too. I am looking forward to feeling more of those moments as they come and am grateful to appreciate them. Thanks for all the support and encouragement we have been blessed with!

Mental Music

I realized yesterday I had been dining an odd 80's tune in my head for what seemed like quite a while. I hadn't really been paying attention but have picked up on this as a recent trend. Weird songs will be playing in my head for what seems like a long time and I'm not even aware if it. It's like muzac or white notice I am making. Why does this happen? It's not as if I am not already burdened with trying to not over think most if my life but I have added a soundtrack? It wouldn't be so bad if I could just get better dings in there but the unaware part makes that seem unlikely. Here's hoping today's tunes will be good and the thoughts more quiet. How awesome would that be to hear the greats while not wasting mental energy in pointless directions?

Post Move

The move is now in the books and most of the boxes have been unloaded. This is my first day off in what feels like weeks. I am about to lace up and head out for my first run in a week. The little normals that are resurfacing are quite comforting. It's odd how even having moved so often there continues to remain an odd skepticism that the home feeling will return. It always does to a degree. There are places like our place apartment in Chicago that will forever have set the bar pretty high, but each and every place I have called home has eventually found that inexplicable element. For me, getting the Asics on and getting out the door will help with that here.

I can, I will.

Just finished a 16 hour day that was originally just supposed to be 8. I am awfully grateful to have heard the phrase, "ask for a stronger back instead of a lighter load." I try to live up to that as often as I can and while I am not out climbing mountains and carrying on dramatic Travel Channel adventures, I do believe there is something to be said for the chin forward, take it on perspective. The folks I consider heroes always run towards the fray and never seem to say "I can't, I'm too tired." My sleep deficit has got to be astounding, but at the same time, I am always more glad I said yes when something extra comes up, whether it be coffee with a friend after a long grueling day or just staying to work a double when a coworker is sick. I can, I will.

Slimming down

Everything feels like its on hold to a degree. We move in a couple days and it seems most of my life feels on hold till we get over that hump. I know I am certainly looking forward to city living once again. There's an odd self searching though that happens when it comes time to pack your home up. You get to truly take stock of all the things you keep and sometimes don't even thin about. I was excited to buy a home and not move again for a while. That turned out to not be the case this time. What I am glad for is the paring down that happens with frequent moving. Neither Tiff or I like to have too much stuff around and for an entire house, the stack of boxes isn't all that great. We like also that we can easily slim down to a smaller place. We enjoy a more simple living than others. So the useless things get binned, the items that can sell do, and other things find more receptive homes. It feels good to lighten the load some. That being said, I have to load a bike into the Jeep to donate to a friend tomorrow and know I will lose that motivation at 5am.

Break from the packing.

We are down to less than a week to moving day. That is a day that is all too familiar to Tiff and I and not for nothing,but we are pretty good at this. We are highly organized and everything is ready to go when the truck arrives. It seems the least you can do for the good people that are willing to come out and lend a hand. 

The things to pack are getting more sparse, and I am starting to feel we are ahead of the "to do" list. It feels good to see the progress. The weight of the move is still settling in. There is excitement and anxiety to get going. It's going to be a fun move.

Intertia

I have a lot of trouble not moving. I am always in motion it feels and for the most part I never feel frustrated by it. With an imminent move and an unusually timed vacation, I am feeling the crunch of getting everything packed and ready to go. I have been working and then working since around 4am and am just now beginning to slow a bit. I can't even give myself shit for not running today after a haul like this. Hell, my calves feel like I just pulled a quick 10mi anyways. I feel like I am moving towards some smoother waters, but still have a lot on my plate. I'm grateful for a strong back today and will continue to ask for the strength needed. Who the hell wants an easier load?

Gate Attendants

Every now and again I feel truly compelled to say thank you to an otherwise thankless job. Today, I salute the airline gate agents. It is an unbelievable task to ask people to line up when they should to board. Every passenger has a ticket telling them when and yet you all seem so overwhelmed with folks that just don't get it. Their seat or boarding group just doesn't register to them that they have a specific time to stand there. How they made it to you thus far remains a mystery. Why they took exit 34 to get the airport than what would seem likely exit 12, given when they line up. So, gate attendants, I say thank you for constantly telling people A comes before B and rows 20-35 does not include row 12.

Home away from home

It has been so good just being back in Chicago. We've seen familiar favorites and great friends. There's just something about a place when it becomes home that doesn't fade years after it isn't. I don't know how to describe it, but it's like a comfort. It's also a vague irritation that your couch resides elsewhere when you want to put your feet up.

Anger 101

It's truly tough for me when I have a head of steam to let it go. The adage that seems so applicable is one that asks, "would you rather be happy or right?" Without a lot of natural stock in happy, I generally decide without much consideration. Thusly I find myself as I am now, trying to release the anger and not take out anything else in my life while trying this. Like this, I have no skills or redeeming qualities. Like this, I am bad company. Like this, I want to be far from people. Like this, god is just a concept and a distant one at that.

Sadly, only through the latter can I get out of this angry rut. So I'll go with happy and take counter intuitive direction. Lucky for me, like baking a cake, I don't have to believe in the recipe for it to work.

Chicago!

Man it feels so good to be back in the Windy City. This town definitely grew on me and I have been surprised at how much I have missed it since returning to Colorado. We had some time on our hands after we arrived and just got to chill in a couple old haunts for a while. The ability to just unwind somewhere without an agenda felt so natural, at times it was hard to remember we didn't live up the street. There is still just something so comfortable about feeling at such ease in such a large city.

Airport Musings

As is tradition, I am spending a portion of my airport time here at Stupie. It's always a little exciting to sit at the airport for me, no matter what TSA tries to do to dehumanized the experience. This seems to be one of those things that will always bring out a bit of the kid in me. Honestly, I treasure and try to protect those moments. In my heart I know I am a believer and often try to guard and mask it in a world of skepticism and derision. In truth, I love being excited by this world. Why else are we here?

Timeout

So we are in the process of selling our home and buying a new one. The time crunch is on and yet we are about to go on a bit of a forced respit. There is a wedding we made plans to attend out of state and while the idea of suddenly doing something not completely productive sounds nits, I'm a little excited to get a forced break from it. Richard prior said it best when he said, "God can make you take five."

Election Night

The election has just been called and President Barack Obama will serve another term. Personally I am more than pleased than I need to express with the results. Beyond that, with such a close race, I am truly hoping to hear another gratifying result some point soon and that is that there was a record turn out to vote. The only thing that genuinely disgusts me is apathy. I have a close friend that abstained from voting and held well calculated reasons for doing so. Most people, especially here in a swing state, that said they weren't voting were because they didn't care. I understand the idea that it can feel like a single vote doesn't count for much. Hell, the electoral college alone can make a single vote seem pretty insignificant. None the less, it's what we get to do. It's not much. You study, you learn, you decide, and then you get off your ass and vote. It's not complicated. The idea of not doing it because you just don't like the choices does not mean a choice doesn't get made.

I hate very few things in this beautiful world of ours more than apathy, atrophy, and laziness. For those that voted, thank you! For those that cared enough to try and encourage people to vote, thank you. Thank you to all the people that helped us vote today. My hope is tomorrow we get to move forward together. It is so much easier to tear something down than build it up. It seems even tougher to believe.

PSA

Just a little PSA from the Stupie offices, change your passwords periodically. Someone has been trying to get in mine as of late and it's generally just a good idea before you inadvertently send your brother-in-law an email about a great new prescription web site. That is all.

Go vote tomorrow.

Now that really is all.

Patience

Taking steps towards a goal can be satisfying, but also frustratingly slow. I've been in the process right now for a while and I know this is not on my time frame. None the less, I do believe powers beyond me are at work and I just need to keep walking. A wise man once told me, "God will help you move mountains, but you better bring a shovel." I just have to fight the urge to grab a power tool.

So Much Being Said

I don't know about you, but I am pretty ready for election day to finally get here. It seems over the last month there has been a barrage of ads, speeches, and flat out chest thumping every where I turn. Even the jazz station I turn to when I need to cool off has been beating the vote drum. I do believe we all should vote and I believe that passionately. What I have been trying hard to keep in mind this year is how to believe passionately while listening to those that may disagree with me. I have tried even further to keep my own views to myself unless actually asked. Over the campaign months, I ca tell you exactly how many people have asked who I am supporting and out of those, the very few that have inquired why. What I have come away from this maelstrom of campaigning with is the clear understanding that more people would rather tell me what to believe than find out why I do believe as I do. A wise man once told me serenity and tolerance can be found when you can hear someone screaming to the heavens in something you don't agree with and not feel the urge to correct them. Hell freedom of speech means everyone gets to say what they wish. Of course there are consequences and responsibilities that come with a right and we all have watched as many have fallen due to them. None the less, it will be nice when things calm down again and the blowhards can stop the noise for a while yet. I love my country and I can't wait to stop hearing how damned we could be if we don't vote for...

Hilly

It's been said several times that when running, it's best not to gauge how its going when on a hill. That seems simple enough and yet I am often seduced to try and figure everything out in my life when on a figurative hill all the time. Like right now. There are big choices happening and s lot of transitions. It's a hill. The best thing I can do is breathe and just keep one foot in front of the other.

Say Something!

I know I have been a little absent as of late. There have been some large issues to address on the home front and honestly I haven't been able to figure out how to voice some of the ideas and thoughts. They span from doing what is right to as simple as work ethic. Additionally, on all fronts another ugly election is in full swing. Suddenly we are in a much worse or dire place if we don't elect so and so. It's kinda depressing. I remember vividly going at it with my Dad about politics when I was younger and my major source of angst was simply in the party he followed. When we finally got far enough into a discourse, it turned out we saw things quite similarly. Whatever bank you are standing on, it's still a river you are looking at.

All that said, it felt right to crack the ice today. While the words are still not fully formulated (and my 3 regular readers may ponder if they ever actually have been), it seems the most dangerous thing during big changes, charged environments, and just emotional ups & downs is a silent voice.

Interesting Point

At times I come across a piece I am moved by and think, I wish more people could read this. While I am not interested in the politics of he said she said, I thought this was worth reposting as it raised some interesting points:

In the midst of the worst economic calamity since the Great Depression, a group of Republican law makers selfishly and heartlessly, chose to place their political aspirations above the well being, and survival of American Citizens. They agreed on a plot to literally sabotage the economy by voting against any and all legislation presented to help in its recovery. – This, regardless of how detrimental it would be to the welfare of the citizens of this country 

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/06/08/1098434/-Eric-Cantor-Paul-Ryan-Kevin-McCarthy-Plot-To-Sabotage-US-Economy-with-Frank-Luntz

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/25/robert-draper-anti-obama-campaign_n_1452899.html

They didn’t care how many people remained out of work because of their callous, self serving deeds. They didn’t care how many people remained unable to pay their mortgages, or car notes, or their kids educations. They didn’t care how many ended up homeless on the streets, or eating out of trash cans, or even if things got so hard for them they blew their own brains out. I take that back; they did admit the one thing they cared about. With no shame, reservation, or trepidation, they boldly asserted in public that their, “Party's primary goal in the next Congress was to make Obama a one-term president”. So this, by their own mouth, and by affirmation by their actions, was the only thing they truly cared about. And the only way to bring about this one thing they cared abut (the downfall of President Obama) would be by keeping the economy languishing and people out of work. 

I watched Newt Gingrich on a political television show jovially defend the actions of he and the other Republicans’ that hatched the devious plan. He said something to the affect; “Had Democrats lost they would have been trying to figure out a way to make a comeback as well”. I don’t know if Democrats would do such a thing. Like most Republican assertions, this was presented without factual substantiation. Never-the-less, I believe that any politician, Democrat or Republican, that’s willing to actively keep people out of work, possibly with no roof over their heads, possibly with no food in their mouths, and willing to watch the American economy spiral down and down into another Great Depression, doesn’t deserve to be in congress. They should not be serving the people because they’ve proven they don’t care anything about the people. This applies regardless of party. This is a matter of ethics and decency, not of political affiliation.

Am I the only one that sees the depravity in this? Is there no one else that ascertains the enormity of the breach of trust, or the stark betrayal of those who entrusted them to represent their best interests? What makes the tale even more astonishing is the fact that practically nothings been said and literally nothings been done about it. There’s been a crime committed against the American People by this group of people. And from what I’ve come to understand there’s not much that can be done from a legal stand point. Well; there are options but I've learned that they would likely amount to wasted time and effort. The only ones capable of rendering justice to them is ‘We the People’, in the form of a vote. 

When pointing out the gridlock in Washington the media routinely ignores the pact made by those congressmen to show, “unyielding opposition to the presidents economic policies”, but rather prefer to pretend its bi-partisan wrangling. Even though the Republican Party has executed everything listed in their infamous plan (the only thing being left undone is to, ‘Win the house and the White House in 2012’), still the press refused and refuses still, to call them on it or even raise the question ‘if’ the pact may have anything to do with the unprecedented filibusters and why they’ve resisted absolutely everything the president has presented. 

So we have a congress that, by definition, has committed treason, against the American people (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/treason?s=t). -- And a press that either appeasingly or conducively has omitted the facts surrounding that treason as it pertains to the gridlock in Washington. So congress has failed us, and the media has failed us. The only question is; will we fail ourselves? Will we lie down and watch the integrity of the office of congress be dismantled and discarded by a few dishonorable men that should never have been elected to office. Will we quietly accept elected officials sabotaging our economy and intentionally rendering and/or keeping our citizens jobless and our economy derelict? Or do we take a stand and not let this become a precedent that would be replayed over and over again and again. Do we passively allow America to take this turn for the worse, which our children will, and have, fallen victim to? Or do we stand with one voice and say YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR? They believe the reward for their crime will be re-election. Together we can show them that there is but one reward fitting for such a crime – relieving them of their positions, so they can never commit such a crime again. 

There will be no justice through the courts for this. And there will be no vindication through the media. The only ones willing and capable to render justice and vindication on this matter are….’We the People’. 

They voted to keep us out of work. – Let’s let them see what that feels like come November.

by Concerned Citizen

Funky

So I don't really get sick very often. I am fortunate that way, but I am often a big believer in thinking positive and don't indulge in the "I'm getting sick." talk. It always seems self-fulfilling prophesey. Well whatever is going in right now has me low. I have no energy, no appetite, and always tired. It's not fun and I'm getting frustrated with myself. The trouble is how to overcome? I have willed myself up before. I'm not all that up for it though. Oh the irony. So here I am writing about it. To what aim I am not sure but I know how to voice it. Maybe I can get to good funky soon.

Mountain Showdown

The Colorado State University / University of Colorado game is about to begin. It's a great tradition out here and a real thrill they have kept it going at Mile High Stadium. It will always be called that, regardless of the company name above it. It's fantastic getting to relive so many great memories. There's a scar on my right thumb from the goal post at Hugh's Stadium from back in the day. I've been to Mile High Stadium for the Showdown. I don't remember sitting ever at a home game. It was a lot of fun, to say the least.

CSU isn't a big national team so after I left Colorado, it became increasingly difficult to follow them. That and their lack of winning reducing the remote chances of televising. I lost touch. Always glad tone a Ram, that was about it.

I came back to Colorado a couple years ago and found it had been a long time since I last called this home. It's taken some getting used to, but watching this game with some fellow green clad fans is a great feeling. It's not always easy to predict what will give you that nostalgic or home feeling,  but it's great when they come.

Go Rams!

Write Gooder

I had a coworker recently tell me she liked my writing. When I looked perplexed she said "Stupie."it was so damn weird to hear someone from one area of my life reference this online outlet, I felt almost unmasked. It's not as if I hide my identity here, but I do maintain an element of generalness as to avoid this being too identifiable. The idea of anything online being private is just a placebo. If its online it's available I anyone with the will and interest to find it. I post out of a desire to share ideas and do believe the best stories are personal. Ergo, I will always have an element of myself here. I don't think for an instant though I am all that wondrous as to have it be about me. I'm just a guy with a mad predilection to write observations. It was nice to hear those views were considered well versed.

The Wall

In marathon circles, there is a very well discussed phenomenon called "hitting the wall." it is exactly what it sounds like, an overwhelming feeling of wanting to drop. That's not an exclusive sensation to marathoners, for sure. As of late I have been feeling it a lot and can't put my finger on its cause. There the marathon use has an advantage, it's fairly obvious. For whatever the reason, I'm socked and seem to be able to do little more than a daily run and go to work. That's not bad, however there is a lot to get done and I need the extra umph. I know getting more done is a process and this post is an effort to jump start the reserves. If I can keep the Stupie going, I may have a little more energy for the next tick on the to do list.

Morning Musings

Early shift and I'm rocking out my lunch break before 8am. It gives pause to be up and working so damn early. The world seems peaceful an the day full of promise. I'm glad for my job and to be on the path I am. I know there's a plan and I just need to do the footwork, nothing more. My part is simple when I keep perspective.

Animal Testing

My wife and I have recently decided to start avoiding products that still use animal testing. It's one of those issues I had heard about for years and thought that it was awful, but never considered doing much more. It seemed like the fanatics like PETA were always making if seem like a radical proposal to actually do something.

I do believe though that consumers have the ultimate power, their dollars to spend. We have a list of companies that still use animal testing for their products. What makes these companies seem all the more barbaric and aitiquated is that there are several companies making the same products without testing on animals. It isn't necessary anymore. The only guess is that it is cheaper. That's where the consumer dollar comes into play.

I doubt seriously Gillette (a Proctor & Gamble co.) will notice I am no longer buying their deodorant. It may only slightly catch their attention when I emailed them politely letting them know they have lost a customer of nearly 20 years. It does catch their attention when scores do the same. I believe in leading by example and the power of attraction rather than promotion. That said, I am not advocating anyone do this lest they want to. It isnot as tough though as I thought just doing some fact checking before endorsing a company.

25th Colorado Aids Walk

Hello friends!

I am participating in the Colorado AIDS Walk and am sending out a rare solicitation for support of the financial variety. My registration is really all I anticipated being able to offer, but I thought I would throw it out to the world in case. We still desperately need a cure for this disease and any support is welcome, large or small. Hope you are all well and I thank you for this indulgence in solicitation.

PS
Donations of greater than $100 will receive a completely original "Captain Stupie" t-shirt as well! Ah… so tempting I know!


Click Here to Donate

Botanic Olympic Tribute

I'm about to embark on my very first relay run. The Denver Botanic Gardens is celebrating the opening of the Olympics with a relay "torch" run from their Chatfield campus to the main downtown location. I was asked to run a leg and am very excited to participate. It's fun. It's clever. I am tickled to be honest. Whether you are running with a torch of flowers for a Botanic Garden or just running errands, I hope you are having a fantastic day. Best to all the athletes in London. I hope our American runners do well and potentially grab some medals.

Dear Minivan Guy,

Please stop adding more stick figures to your brood. As is you have obviously added to the over populated planet more people than you and you partner plan on taking out with your passing. The resources are limited here and unless somehow you have bred rocket scientists, we really don't need this many more people around saying , "it's not my fault." In short, breed responsibly please.

The planet.

Speachless

It's been a few days since the horrifying news broke of another senseless tragedy occurred. I have been thinking about saying something, but like so many, the words just felt useless. How does one defend the obvious when the obvious is more a wish something had never happened? My heart goes out to those that endured the tragedy and to those that loved the people less fortunate. My thoughts and prayers are also with all the first responders that will forever have the images they rushed into with them. They were our heroes when we needed them and they were there quickly, many with children of their own.

As the horror begins to subside to the painful process of understanding yet a new depth that man can inflict on the innocent, my only hope is that the next steps can be healing. I heard there is already a lawsuit filed and am not surprised, just sad. So many suffered and there is no monitory recuperation for it. I hope we can come together and forge a better community around us. We need each other.

This world seems to have an endless ability to throw challenges, difficulties, and trials at us. Only together do we seem to overcome. That's just how I see it.

More Than One Reason Not to Eat at Jimmy John's

More Than One Reason Not to Eat at Jimmy John's

Toes!

So I have read that the barefoot running craze has a degree of legitimacy. Mostly, it seems to help correct your form from a heal strike to a forefoot strike. To try this out, I found a pair of Vibram Five Finger shoes. After taking a long time to actually get my toes in their little pockets, I was out the door. Heeding the warnings I had heard, I kept the initial runs to 2 miles. It felt weird and good. I am glad they were short runs but it was a lot of fun trying something new. Even though I prefer to run on concrete (as that's what most marathon miles are on), even that felt pretty good under the thin soles.

It's fun to try something new, even in running.

Gym

I went back to an old haunt this afternoon, the gym. It has been a refuge for many years, albeit not this particular one. I just enjoy the environment of pushing harder. There is a great reward in even just getting to the gym sometimes. It is one of my favorite "no money fun options. It felt good, but I was humbly reminded that time in said oasis is bought with time. Going once a month enables you to be there a briefer time than going weekly or daily. The more you go, the longer you can stay. It's a cool investment ratio.

I did not get to stay long today, but I got to go and that is half the battle. I recently saw a phrase I have completely embraced. It says: I will do today what others won't so that tomorrow I can do what others can't.

Hot Run

I made a decision after work today that I was going to get my run in. It was a premeditated choice based on an over riding desire to keep a sense of self in tho transition time at my new, old job. The trouble is, by the time I got home, the temp had spiked to 95 degrees. I could not reconsider and simply loaded a water bottle with ice, took a big draw off a Gatorade, and headed out. I like to tell myself (and my wife) that I am testing myself doing something hard like that, but it's probably far less worthy. Just stubbornness I fear.

It's funny though how many people truly gawk when you are out running in this heat out here. I started to think I was just looking good, but that was probably the lightheadedness taking over. No, either they were staring like that because they could not believe someone was running in that heat or the look on my face is what I fear it probably was.

Keep Moving

I am happier when I am busy. It has been proven again and again that I do better longing for down time, but actually do poorly when I get it. That being said, things have been busy again. I am tired and usually worn out, but there is a feeling of productivity that is starting to feel pretty good. Inertia is a powerful thing.

Caught Between.

There's a tug of war at times between gratitude and wishing for me. As I am often very vocal about the gratitude I have for so much in my life, it's hard at times to not mistake it for a settling. I still have my aspirations and hopes. They occasionally masquerade as wants. The difference is in the obsession they hold on me. Tonight I am dreaming and accepting, a good balance.

Heat

It's hot. How is that for defending the obvious? I am hard pressed to gather much energy when the temperature rises. It's been tough to get very much done and my running shoes are actually seeing some significant rest time. I don't really know how to fight it either. I want to get out and do things, but my entire body just feels worn out.

How do you get pat that dear readers? What have you found works for fighting through heat induced lethargy?

Self Inquired

So the latest of the "did you notice" things I have developed an ear for as of late has been an annoying habit of speech. It is the setting one's self up for a response. For example: "Would I like for it to rain? Of course I would." The asking a question only to offer the answer is beyond annoying when it is caught on to. It is of the ranks of "you know?" or "my thing is." It is a verbal waste of time and I have not been able to stop feeling frustrated by it. It's as if the speaker is conducting their own press conference and playing both parts. Seriously, just say your opinion. Stop setting it up first. As the example above, "I would like it to rain." Quit with the wishy-washy set up, PLEASE!!!

ps
Nixon came up when I Googled "stupid speech" and I thought that was funny.

Fourth of July

This 4th of July, I find myself in a state that has been ravaged by wild fires and thousands of brave men and women have been fighting them for weeks trying to save lives, homes, and forests. The point of this is that Colorado has enacted a firework ban this year, eliminating most displays and certainly all of the private "imported from Wyoming" varieties. There has surprisingly been a bit of an outcry to this. The sentiment has been that we must have fireworks, it's part of being an American.

There are too many places in this argument to defend all the obviousness, so forgive your Captain. I am interested strictly in pointing out that on this day of our Independence, it may behove us to remember how hard it has been to gain and keep it. Thousands of brave men and women have put them selves in harm's way on our behalf and continue to do so. Our police and firefighters routinely go out to insure your pursuit of happiness is possible. There are even good politicians (I think) that are trying to make our country and better place. The latter generally beats its own drum, so I shall not though.

The point here is that on this day when many years ago, a literally revolutionary idea was born, we owe a debt. Instead of the popular "America, fuck yeah!" approach, we might try a little more genuine gratitude. There are still a lot of sons and daughters not on our soil in the name of defending it. Whether you agree or not with why, they are out doing one of the hardest jobs imaginable… for us.

I am ok withe the lack of Roman Candles this year. What I can't take is the whining that fireworks are what makes today special.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart to those who gave us this country and help us keep it safe!

History Repeating

It has been a whirlwind of a few weeks, sorry for the absence. I have begun working once again for a previous employer I haven't been with for 7 years. Its been surreal, humbling, and interesting. One thing I know for certain is that I am applying a considerable amount of faith. That being said, my role here is pretty simple. I put out the effort and have some trust that the direction I am to go will be revealed when I need it. While that pisses me off as a control freak, its healthier than trying to play God here. I understand my best plans have never gone according to, well, plan. This is good for now. I am optimistic better days are ahead, but for now I am reminded "all work is nobel." I am glad for the job and am hoping the good mojo continues.

But I Want It...

What is it about the fantasizing about stuff that is so alluring? I firmly believe in the creed of "want less, do more," but it gets so tempting to really dive into the mental shopping for stuff. The latest obsession has been a camping trailer. The why's are irrelevant, but it has a good grip on me as I WANT IT. Hell, I don't even camp yet. That's how the folly of this mental day tripping is obvious to me, when I yearn for something so unnecessary right now. I realize it is probably a byproduct of being on such a tight budget right now, but it's silly when you get to lay it out on the table like that. There is some fun to it, but when it runs away with me it's no good. The helpful element to fantasizing about something so far beyond reach like a camping trailer is I can see the game. When it's easier to convince myself of somethings value, I go a little bonkers.

You have to admit though, that's a cool camper. Heh.

Monday Directions

Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right… (repeat).

Circa 1995

Lessons for Struggles

I'm trying each day to embrace the changes. Things have been in flux for a month now and the end is still not within sight. All this uncertainty has brought several positive changes though. My budget is much more under control. While not wasting money is an ideal, it's tough sometimes to bring the spending down when it has been routine to not sweat it as much. I am not talking extravagance, but the slow bleed of money when you are not paying close attention is annoying to me. Want Less, Do More. I have also developed a considerably stronger faith. When there is so much about that I can influence but little, I have drawn strength from faith in powers beyond my ability. That is a wonderful product of struggle. Lastly, I have been reminded that waiting till everything is fine to smile or enjoy life is waiting for a day that does not come. The now is ok, even with its challenges. I have a good life and am grateful to still be in it.

Recalculating

This morning I am betwixt a couple options and having some difficulty getting clear. I have often been told in these circumstances it is best to be still and listen to that still small voice inside; in essence my gut. Unfortunately my mind likes to bogart the mic if you will. I do believe most decisions are made fairly instantly and the rest of the time is spent debating it. While I have a good hunch which direction to go on this crossroad, I am debating heavily. The best I know to do is the simple tasks that lead to quiet. I have hit the road and ran this morning, ate a good breakfast, called some friends to say hello (i.e. stop thinking about myself for a moment), and am about to meditate a short spell. These are the tangibles I can do. The results are out of my hands and I have faith. I think I just needed to remind myself of all that.

Birthday Blank

I'm not sure if I am the only one out there that experiences this, but right around birthday time, I draw a complete blank on anything I would want to do. I suddenly have no favorite restaurants, no favorite meals, or favorite anything for that matter. Right at the top of June, I feel completely blank. Does that happen to anyone else? It feels like a lost opportunity when I finally just get to pick something and no one else gets to argue and yet, I am at a loss. I feel even conspicuous. While I adore attention normally, right here in that first week of June, I go all shy. What gives? Am I crazy? I know next week I'll have opinions again, but right now I am like an Etch-iSketch after a bumpy road.

Please, tell me if this is common or just me being odd… again.

Half is Half

A new day and a little honest work today and I am pondering the power of positivity. I found myself feeling like people about me are more on the half empty side. I am not sure why that has been bugging me but it's really been a drag. I wish so that I had a little more of the "everything's possible" attitude. It shouldn't have an affect but it is. So what does an optimist do when pecimisism pervades? I'm trying.

Running the Diagnostics

"What did you stop doing?" That is the question that comes to me whenever I start to feel a little off kilter. My good friend Bill is also fond of reminding me of this too. So often I can look back when things felt smooth or easy and I can see where I had been maintaining certain actions that had subsequently dropped off. Now for an obsessive/compulsive, this is a dangerous proposition at just face value. I am often reminded, usually by Bill, to take it easy too. While it sounds conflicting, my experience has shown them to be quite compatible; for today at least. That said I pounded out 4 miles this morning and am touching base with Stupie Nation. Yes, I do think of you as a nation and one I am humbled to be in contact with.

Go Left When You Hit The Wall

As of late the impulse to stay in and try and make head way on a current challenge has been tough to shake. Every waking hour feels as though it should be dedicated, especially with no running at the moment. That is obsessive thinking and I know it all too well. The results are always the same. The productivity is the same over several hours as it would have been within but a few. The frustration, exhaustion, and overall negativity is however much higher. Sometimes the best action, is counter intuitive.  Thusly, it was extremely healthy and recuperative to just get out today.

Thanks Tiff!

After 26.2 Miles Thoughts

The marathon on Sunday went quite well. As always, not being the recipient of "sudden death" is always the biggest reward. Also not having the unfortunate DNF (did not finish) next to my name is pretty huge. Actually, I ran 26.2 miles faster than I ever have at 4:02:34. It was just shy of my sub 4 wish, but 3.5 minutes faster than my previous PR, also here in Denver. Perhaps I just need to run one at sea level to crack that barrier. I can honestly say, I left everything I had out there though and was reduced to left, right, left, right, don't stop, left right… by the last quarter mile. It was cruel to use what I thought was my last kick when I thought I saw the Finish arch ahead finally only to get closer and discover it was actually the Start arch; Finish was still another 400 yards away from that point. None the less, I crossed the line at a cool 6:30 pace from the kick I didn't know I had.

What was truly gratifying was having my parents and Tiff find me 3 times on the course! This being the underdog marathon of Denver with corporate Rock n' Roll here, it was far and away a local race. It also resulted in very few people on or next to the marathon course. This was the most self motivating race I have done yet, but so many truly beautiful spots, it wasn't that bad. I still find the term "eclectic" a bit of a stretch when describing Colfax, but at 6:30am, it's not so bad.

All in all, I have to say I had a good time. Tiff had the chance to run with me for a block or two and they finally had the chance to see me cross a finish line. For those out there who have run one of those crazy distances, you know as well as I do how amazing it is to have people, friends, family, or spouses that will come out just to have a moment to shout "GO!" for you. It means the world.

For all the cyber support, I say from the bottom of my heart, thank you! To Tiff, Mom, and Dad… my deepest gratitude for watching me do another one of these crazy things. I know I will try a sixth one soon(ish). Hope any of you can come out and run too.

By the by, any suggestions?

Gear and Mind Check

All my gear is laid out and I am ticking off items on my handy marathon checklist. It feels exciting and scary these hours before a marathon, even with a few under the belt already. There is a calm in knowing I have run many, many miles to prepare and no amount of second guessing can limonite that. The scary comes in all the variables that can still unfold. The weather, the course, breakfast… they all seem to have some sway, but mostly its the anticipation of those things that seems to keep the hamster wheel turning.

In many ways that seems a decent reminder for so much of life. The things that can not be known and controlled always fascinate the part of my mind that wants to dwell on them. Meanwhile the things right before me I want to dismiss as irrelevant. When I focus on this exact moment, my mind gets quieter and I get more effective.

Today is a good day.

Marathon Musing

The marathon is only a few days away now. This will be my 5th marathon. While that seems like both a lot and not much, I keep reminding myself that I have only been in this position 4 times before. While there is some comfort in its growing familiarity, 26.2 miles never loses its intimidating size. So much can happen both around you and to you in that time. There are virtually no ways to prepare for everything. Personally I use an 18 week training schedule, tweaked through experience to best aim for prepared. I feel good about it and particularly like the week off option late in training, albeit I rarely take it off.

To run a marathon is an exciting prospect, regardless of the number done before. If anything, you know "the wall" after mile 20 better each time. I am excited to once again put my training and faith to the test. My goals are alway set up with HAVE FUN first.


So far, I am 4 for 4 on that one!

A Good Rule

I met some friends tonight for coffee, as I do fairly routinely. The stories were tragic and funny. All told I found myself belly laughing much more than I have in recent days. The affect on me is noticeable right now as I feel lighter than I have in a while. This group tends to adhere to a simple and affectionately termed "rule 62," which is "don't ale yourself too seriously." That seems to be exactly what I needed.

Mom

Today we celebrate Mom. I had the distinct privilege to get to spend some time with mine today and I have to tell you, I am so grateful for all her years of doing what she does. From every Doctor Mom phone call to see if I actually should seek medical attention to the occasional texts to say hi, she has been a rock in my world. While the convention of Mothers Day seems a bit contrived, I have to say there is something just and right in the universe to say thank you to those hard working folks that have done so much! Mom, thank you!

Running in the Rain

It's a rainy Saturday morning with a much shorter long run ahead of me. This is the final week before the marathon here in Denver and while it is only 8 miles today it feels tougher to get the up and go happening. I am feeling refreshed and ready to run, but after 16 weeks, the taper can feel like a very welcomed reprieve. I know as soon as I hit post I will be going in and get geared up and out the door for an attempted easy pace. That feels like the status quo for the life right now. Despite some reluctance, I am continuing to try and suit up. Sometimes that is the marathon itself. Sometimes, however, that is the victory.

Happy Picture Friday

Easy Does It

Easy does it are words I have been battling to love for many years now. They seem to be at the forefront of my thoughts as of late… again. There are some major changes and issues that feel like they are better suited to charge forward, guns blazing. While action is required, my choice is rarely the bast way to go. Currently I get to do what I can to affect change and remember, as always the results are out of my hands. It requires faith. I dig that, but less so when I want the guns blazing option. That's seems to be where the value of easy does it plays. While to some of my friends (dubious they read this) would laugh at the rudimentary nature of yet again realizing I am not in charge, it seems a lesson I was yet again needing. It's good to have a faith that can expand when I realize I had foolishly corralled it too tightly.

Oh, and it doesn't help much that I am now in the taper period of my marathon training where I am actually supposed to run less, eat well, and sleep as much as I possibly can.

God's got a good sense of humor, but his timing has style.

Faking Positive

Staying positive can be a challenge on any normal day, but throw in a dilemma or problem without a clear direction and it seems damn well impossible. That is where I find myself right now. I am trying to figure out a solution and can not get traction on it. The result feels like a lot of wheel spinning and my ever present optimism is slouching some. What I am assured of is that faith is not alway something you have to feel for it to work. I keep putting in the effort and "faking it till" and I am assured all will be well. That has been the experience thus far.

Suck

My good friend and I are constantly joking on our hour commute to and from work on, "why do people just suck." It's a humous response generally to someone just being a dick on the road. That, by the way, is never actually necessary. I was pondering this out on a few of my longer runs lately where I am obligated to run on the shoulder of two lane roads. Most of the time there is not too much traffic and it wizzes by around 50 mph without any real trouble. However, on occasion I seem to get the driver that shades closer to the side of the road than is needed. Sometimes still, they are looking right at me while they do it. Trust me, you don't ever stop watching approaching traffic when you are alone running, miles from anywhere. The drift is real and seemingly on purpose.

Why do people suck?

That is the thought I have as I jump back out of the ditch or weeds I retreat to. Then I had a different idea the other day. What if I just pretended they didn't. Further more in my revolutionary idea, what if they were each wonderful? It was a little warm out there the day I fostered this little kernel but I thought, what the hell? I treated each approaching car as a wonderful addition to my day for the 3 seconds we were together, even the ones that edged a little close.

While this sounds "shoot me optimistic" it actually made me feel better. I was less irritated and ran pretty easy from that point on. I am not sure if that is a sustainable idea, but sometimes overshooting is the best way to get closer to goal.

Playing Nice

It has been good to get a short respite in, to be sure. It allowed for a break in the self imposed routine of daily publishing. While a nobel intent, as was previously mentioned, it felt as I was falling short of my aim.

So what shall I begin anew with?

Today, it seemed that basic people interactions have been raising the red flag often. I have heard that if you encounter more than three assholes in any given day, you are probably one of them. What other folks do is of less consequence to me than my reactions to them. Happiness is certainly not an outside job. When encountering a rude driver or someone at work that is less than polite, I have a choice. As Rollins said once, "when someone tries to have you a pile of shit, you do not have to take it."

Today, I am trying to let those without regard just pass by. It makes no sense to let them get to me. I chose happy today over the need to just be right.

Less to Say

I recently decided, and without fanfare to pair down on the Captain Stupie posts. I thought about mentioning it, but a wise man once told me it is lunacy to talk to someone about not talking to them. That is not to say I am not talking to you, my dedicated few, but I felt in a year of daily posts, I had surpassed the golden zone of deeper thoughts and was pumping out very little in the way of worthy ideas.

I was no longer a defender of the obvious, but a slave to a self induced daily writing regiment.

That said, I did not have any intention of walking away completely. I want to continue to write often. My challenge is to continue to look for engaging ideas to blather on about. Should that become daily or monthly will depend, but I want to actually say something here. I have good friends out there that continue to look for the ways to impact the world around them. While Stupie is no such platform (I am disillusioned but not crazy), I do want to pose thoughtful posts.

There is an Art of… out there still in need of discussion.

In any case I wanted to reaffirm, if only to myself, my hiatus was purposeful and not permanent. I do struggle with always and never and to step back is its own adventure. 

20

Next Task

Tiff and I got a chance to take care of some tasks around the house today that were little but felt great to see done. It's funny when you realize the list of small things you keep in your head of things to do without even realizing it. For me, one of those things has been to touch up the paint I did last year in spots it has chopped. While not huge, it left me feeling so good once I had crossed it of the list in my head. I may not even be able to tell you a few hours later all the tiny spots I hit, but I know I saw them daily before.

I like crossing things off that list.

Happy Picture Friday!

My love.

My Neighbors

Neighbors. We are still getting used to our neighborhood and home living. Tonight, one of our neighbors threw a BBQ. We attended and it was great to have a chance to just chat with the folks we live near. One of the things I loved in Chicago was just that, seeing and knowing my neighbors. It helps sometimes.

Reminded

I had a chance to go out on an audition today, set up by my agent. It was such a thrill to go out an get a chance to do that, even though it wasn't such a big audition or very difficult one. I was reminded once again where my true passion is. I am grateful to just know that.

Rest

Catching up is tough sometimes, especially when it comes to rest. When I fell asleep on the couch watching TV tonight it occurred to me I may still be a little down on the sleep quota as of late. It seemed a decent idea to relax a little and take it easy. Not a natural order when I would much rather lace up and run or hit the gym, etc. None the less, there is an art to being quiet. I am not very good at it though.

Liar

I don't understand people sometimes. Someone close to me was in a car accident recently that was not their fault, yet the other driver blatantly lied and is being believed. While dishonesty is more natural to me than not, I have also grown and seen its distructive powers. Even when I instinctively want to say it wasn't me, I am quick to take responsibility when I do. I do believe in karma and only hope this guilty party comes around. The world needs a little less "not my faults" in my humble opinion.

Litter!

Seriously, so some people still think it's ok to just toss trash out of the window when they are driving? I am just asking. I was on my long run today and trekked 14mi around my house today and never went further than ten steps before another piece of trash. After a while it got so depressing I had to start analyzing the array. In my estimation, the three biggest sources of trash were beer bottles/cans (depressing and scary on the road), cigarette boxes, and McDonald trash. The last on surprises me as there isn't a McD's for 5 miles anywhere on my route. What the hell though? Why is there so much trash? I grew up just after the crying Indian and at the height of the "Give a Hoot, Don't Polute" Campaigns. Do we need a refresher? Has the recycling movement forgotten the simple, at least get it in a can idea?

Help me. Tell me if I am off base here?

Out of Touch.

I got a chance to just relax a little at home with my wife and our dogs. I tackled very little as far as actual work and while the momentum was a tough thing to work against, it helped. I just needed to veg out and recharge. I didn't run. I didn't make calls. I didn't check emails. The chance to unplug was exactly what I needed.

Happy Picture Friday!

Home Is Where...

It's now been a week since I left home on the work trip. While a part of me appreciates the break in the norm, I am sorely missing my home and little family. They bring a quality to my everyday that is more than noticeable when I am away. The trip home tomorrow will be very welcomed. It's alway good to know where home is. For me it's with Tiff.

Standards

I've been trying to get closer to an ideal as far as conducting myself. I am perfectly ok with not being perfect, but I do strive to live better. Yesterday, there were a few humbling moments of falling short. In contemplating the downfalls, I am torn between feeling embarrassed and motivated. I am focusing on the latter. I know I'll screw up, but if I can keep trying to do better and not just relive the pitfalls, hopefully things will get better.

We Know Why You Needed A Pencil With Your Walkman

The whole crew went out to dinner last night to celebrate the near completion of this job. It felt so goo to just laugh and relax. Funny how a good meal and an entertaining discussion about the superiority of cassette tapes can recharge you.

Wave Back

I have been up here in Aspen for a few days and braved my 3rd run at high altitude this morning. While there is a pervasive smugness up here, I have also been thrilled to get the occasional wave in return for my standard wave while out there. It's refreshing to see the warmth in a place typically pretty cool.

Missing Home

I've been away from home for about five days now for work. I miss my family quite a lot.

Happy Picture Saturday

Happy Picture Friday

Running on Empty

I am on a job in Aspen and like most travel jobs, the hours are pretty long and physically taxing. None the less I am venturing out for my training runs, at altitude no less. It has been tough to get out of bed for them, but I have felt so much better each time after I am back. It pays sometimes to push a little harder, even if that effort is just lacing up and facing the cold.

Stress

Yesterday I had to change some plans on my wife last minute. That's one of those little things that can really stress her out. Today I am facing one of mine, packing for a trip. It's a little thing, but it's one of my stresses. I am fascinated by how everyone has a little something that can just unnerve them, even in the face of knowing better. When it is in full force it can feel damn near dibilitating. Walking through it can feel impossible, which makes it feel even more ridiculous when you are still able to just say, "it's friggin' packing!!" None the less, these little stress triggers can certainly be tough.

Running Through

My run this morning was tough. When in training sometimes the joy is not there when I know I have to get my moles in. None the less, I also know it helps to keep lacing up even when I don't want to. After all, not every mile in a marathon is fun.

Pack It Up

It was a decent day. Work was slammed but it went well. Everybody just seemed to put their head down and do what needed to be done. While I never really like a day that involves quite this much packing, it feels good to see such a clear result. Here's to a Monday friends.

Worn Out

Today was just one of those days where despite best efforts, I was forced to surrender to exhaustion. I am just beat and today there was no getting around it. I went out for my long run, but it never stopped feeling long. I counted off the ticks till the final mile was over and promptly walked. It catches up, that tired thing.

Parents Big Day

My parents are getting remarried today. This has been a day I have hoped for for many years now. They have become so good together since getting a little time apart, that marriage seemed natural. It's funny how no matter how old you get, your parents can always make you feel a little bit like an eight year old again. That part of me is giddy to see them so happy. Today's nuptials are the final piece in a reconciliation it has been wonderful to watch.

My parents show me what it means to love each other enough to walk away for a while but not entirely. They have demonstrated unconditional giving and a true care for one another that, at least for the last 18 years, has been based only on the unofficial bond they still felt.

I wish you, Mom and Dad, nothing but the best today. I love you both!